Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas

How did a year go by so quickly? HappyBirthdayMonkey had her party last weekend and celebrated her first birthday yesterday. And she rang it right by taking HER FIRST STEPS.

It was soooo exciting to see her wobble towards me on those chucky little legs!

Her party was awesome! We had lots of folks there and probably couldn't have packed anyone else in the house. It was amazing to be surrounded by so many family and friends who love our little girl.

She was a little unsure of what was going on at first, but once she realized those people were there for her, it was ON!

Especially at cake time.

A big thanks to everyone who came.

Here are pics

We're still here

It's been a while since I posted, I know. Life has taken a busy turn as our HappyBabyMonkey approaches her first birthday.

My God how can a year have passed already? It seems like yesterday I was on bedrest begging the doctor to induce so we could all be put out of our collective misery.

She has SEVEN teeth now, can you believe it?

Her first birthday party is tomorrow so I'll be back in the evening to post picks and let you know how it goes. We got a new digital camera so I'm excited about using it.

sorry it's short, but it's almost time to go home and I have birthday party shopping to do!!!

The Story of Dean Martin and Little Miss Helpful

Some time ago David and I bought a Dean Martin doll that sings "That's Amore". He's on this little pedastal wearing a suit with an old fashioned mic and his mouth moves. It's a bit of a charicature of him, but it's still entertaining to watch. I think we bought him initially as a gag gift for someone...probably Jason, Zoe's godfather.

Anyway, we ended up keeping him, our $3 Dean, because he was really entertaining.

Zoe finds him really entertaining as well. She really likes the dinner show, where he sits on the dining room table and croons to her while she eats in her high chair. Over and over again the opening notes will play, and she smiles and gets a light in her eyes. She starts to sway to the music and laughs her soft little laugh.

More recently she's developed alot of affections for old Dean. More specifically, she likes to kiss him. Sometimes it's her silly, open mouth stick your tongue out a little on the cheek kiss, but last night it was something different.

She leaned down and pursed her precious little lips to together and gave him a little peck right on the mouth. Then she kissed his head and his cheek. She just laughed with delight. She refused to kiss either David or I (MY face was still sticky from the rain of kisses she gave me when I picked her up from daycare) but she just kept kissing Deano.

I guess she digs the crooners.

Flash forward 20 minutes and it's time to go to bed. David and I have her jammies out and have stripped her down to her socks and taken her diaper off to give her a little room to breath. In a fit of uncontrollable nakedness, she pee'd EVERYWHERE.

It doesn't happen very often, so when it does it's pretty funny. What was even MORE funny is that she promptly pulled of her socks and decided to use them to help clean herself up.

The whole time she has this adorable look on her face that said "I'm HELPING! Look at me!"

I thought we were going to pee ourselves too.

Little Miss Helpful saves the day!

The Safari I Always Wanted

Technology is wonderful. I wanted to share this with you. I found some sites online that are live streams of different animal habitats in Southern Africa. I've always wanted to go on safari to see these animals and now I can see them all day, every day.

It's an adventure and learning experience each day to see the "regulars" and what goes on at these habitats. I'm including below a slideshow of pictures that I've taken online from these streams

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Create Your Own!

All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teef

Well she got 'em. Zoe finally got her two front teeth. She looks freakin' adorable with them.

What she's doing now:

Eating grown up food
Cruising on furniture
Trying to stand and walk

Her words are:
Mama
Dada
Cat
Dog
Truck
Daddums

She can also finally pet the cats nicely.

She's going through some separation anxiety though. Dropping her off in the morning at daycare is getting so hard. I just wanna hold her and stay home with her.

Somedays it's so hard to come to work.

I'm sort of out of words for now...but I'm sure I'll have something more later.

It's been a while

Sorry it's been a bit since I posted. Things have been nuts. The aforementioned teething has gotten better, but we had Halloween (which did not go AT ALL the way we would have hoped) and my mom had surgery.

She had a mass on her ovary and they did a thorough surgery to be sure it wasn't cancer. Thankd GOD it wasn't, we were all kinda scared. She had been in the hospital since Wednesday and finally got to come home yesterday afternoon.

Her hospital stay is a whole other story for another day.

Back to halloween for a moment. We didn't really get to trick or treat because Zoe's having some trouble with the time change. So we grabbed some dinner, came home and decided to just hand out candy.

Lo and behold this girl that we knew from college shows up...unannounced. Not to trick or treat, but to come in and visit.

Some background on thsi woman. She was ok in college...we got along better than I got along with most of the girls we hung out with (mainly because David had dated all of them) and so back then all was good.

then she graduated and moved away. She came back to visit and I decided to cook some dinner for she and some of out other friends.

Ladies...you'll be with me on this one. As I'm cooking dinner, she comes into my very small kitches and begins to tell me how I should cook the food. Her justification is that she's the fry cook at her daddy's GAS STATION and she knows what she's talking about.

Take away the fact that I was cooking an original reciped. Take away the fact that she was being ungracious. She was BOSSING ME AROUND IN MY OWN KITCHEN.

Fast forward to the night before my wedding. She shows up at my house where my friends, sisters and wedding party ladies are having a little get together. My last night as a bachelorette. Teh bachelor party is raging across the street at the best man's house.

She wasn't invited to the wedding and she SURE as hell wasn't invited to the party. Yet in she came and my GOD she stayed. She kidnapped my maid of honor and kept her out until 4 in the morning.

Then she invited herself to the weddings.

So in she comes to my house on my daughers first Halloween and her kid is SICK. He snotty and has that loose mucousy cough. I said very plainly that if he was sick the kids needed to be kept separate because Zoe gets so sick so fast.

Nope, he wasn't sick she said. She stayed for two hours. I got up and went to Walmart at one point I was so pissed. When I got back her son was taking Zoe's toys and hitting her and pushing her down.

she didn't do a DAMN thing. I had to be the one to tell him to stop time and time again.

I finally said I needed to work and she left. I never want her in my house again.

She drives me freakin' crazy.

Toofer The Road

Good evening listeners and welcome to tonights broadcast.

Tonight we're on location from that dark and strange realm where zebra buffalos roam and everything takes on that sort of fuzzy, can't focus the screen sort of look. It's a place we visited often in our youth but in the late summer of our lives decided we'd had enough of along with other places like Spring Break Ft. Lauderdale and the floor in front of the toilet in our best friends creepy garage apartment.

The place my friends, is Sleep Deprivation Land.

This is what "teething" can do. It's a rather plain, innocuous word isn't it? It's polite, to the point and descriptive. What it DOESN'T do is appropriately convey the effect it can have on your child.

Teething can turn your kid into a screaming, inconsoleable banshee.

Teething can give them a fever, a sore mouth and a diaper rash all at the same time. All of these things my child has right now.

Imagine yourself in this predicament. It would be terrible.

Ok...I'm off to sleep now!

X Ray Vision

If you've been paying any attention lately you've heard me bitching about Zoe's health alot lately. Well, I finally convinced the pediatrician to take some action and they scheduled Zoe for an Upper GI on Tuesday.

She was an absolute doll in the waiting room and was being fawned over by all the old ladies waiting for their osteo scans. She hadn't had anything to eat since midnight so I was praying my good luck held and they would call her back soon.

They did.

And as soon as we got in the room - monkey's special brand of super power showed itself.

As soon as we sat down in the Xray area, she began blowing rasberries at the Xray tech, who was a nice young guy teaching two new X ray techs how to scan infants.

They all thought the rasberries were cute. I thought about warning them, but decided they probably wouldn't believe me anyway.

She looked all around the room with wary interest and a clear "What the fuck am I doing HERE?" sort of expression on her face. The kindly teacher gentleman approached me and let me know what our doctors name would be and proceeded to give this long, somewhat patronizing (and later ironic) speech. It went something like this (imagine a better looking Barney Fife in whites with a really country accent now)

"Ma'am, now don't you worry here. Yer little girl is gowna be just fahn. We do this evUHry day and there's nothing out thar that we cain't handle. You MUST stay behind the glass barrier at all times".

I tried to assure him I wasn't "that" mom and his reponse was "NO NO NO, A'hm thayat kahnda Dad. Ah know how it is".

Ummm...Ok. whatever you just said.

Enter the doctor, who will later name my child Ella Diablo for reasons that will become clear shortly. He is a kindly fellow by the name of Montoyez and I can barely contain my urge to chat "Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to DIE!". He explains the procedure which involves feeding my starving child barium and then taking pictures of her tummy.

I started to feel a little uneasy at this point so I said "Um, I think I should tell you she is VERY strong and VERY stubborn. She doesn't like to be restrained at all". I again got the speech from the kindly doctor Montoyez about how I should remain behind the barrier and they could handle anything that came their way. There were four of them all told. I thought it would be ok.

Now I'm behind the barrier, watching in fascination as my sweet baby's little tummy comes up on the monitor in Xray contrast. I see her little heart and her tiny little fist waving through her ribs. Ok, that part was sort of weird, but it was still cool.

I was so busy watching the barium slide down her esophagus that I only partially heard the struggles coming from the Xray table. They were getting louder though, and harder to ignore.

My fascination was blown all to hell when I heard the doctor call out "WHERE IS SHE??? I can't find her!"

Mommy vision snapped to and I frantically looked past the glass barrier to see the two McXrayTechs scrambling and reaching for her and the doctor grabbing for something.

OUT SHE COMES!!!!

She shot out of that Xray chamber on her hands and knees and almost made it over the edge of the table before they got her.

"Ok Mom, why don't you go ahead and come out here and give us a hand. Lead her up"

I felt like I was in an episode of ER. The attendants put the lead vest on me and tied it while I was striding confidently toward the Xray table where my sweet daughter is now...yep...you guessed...Ella Diablo. She is screaming and crying and twisting and with FOUR of us holding her down we can't get into position to take the damn picture. One more person came over to help position her, making FIVE. After another moment of scuffling with this freakishly strong 10 month old they decided to take a break. It was like trying to play Twister with a snake.

I felt so badly for her. She was crying and scared and hungry.

My ASS they could handle anything that went on out there! The nurses kept coming by and telling me she'd never need a body guard and the doctor needed to take a break because she made him sweat so bad. Yeah, I know...it's kind of pathetic but give him a break, he's only a Radiologist. It's not like he lifts anything much heavier than an XRAY all day!!!

After 10 minutes of soothing I finally got her calmed down and we tried again. We didn't do very well, but it only took four of us this time and we did get a picture.

They were very self congratulating after it was over and complimented me on the strength of my sweetie. I'm sure they felt they'd had their aerobic activity for the day. I'm also sure they all went home and told their families about it.

As for Baby Monkey, they didn't find anything abnormal, which is good. They have switched her meds to something different to see if it works.

God willing we won't have to put her or anyone else through that again!

I told you she was a freakin' superhero!

My poor ASS

I can't freaking believe it! I FELL again today. This is the SECOND time I have fallen in three months. The first time was bad...I sprained my ankle. At least so far this time all seems to be ok.

I hydroplaned in our car port. It is smooth concrete and therefore very slippery when damp and WHOOSH...out went my feet from under me!!! Thank GOD mom was holding Zoe...and I can't imagine having fallen with her in my arms. It all happened to fast.

I sort of slid down one leg and onto my butt and then hit my head. I'm ok though. Just fine.

Zoe laughed on my way down and continued to laugh while I lay there.

That's my girl!!!!

My Poor Baby Monkey

Well kids...this is it. They are finally going to do a swallow study on Zoe. This is essentially an upper GI for babies.

Mom took her in last week for her 7th cold and 7th ear infection in 6 months and they gave her amoxicillin again and it made her throw up...again. I took her in first thing this morning and they said she may be allergic to penicillin.

We also talked at length about her reflux and they aren't 100% sure that's what it is. It could be something called Pyloric Stenosis and they want to rule that out. This means that her pyloric muscle (valve) may be thicker than it should and that her stomach isn't processing food properly.

It's a good thing, because we'll know for sure if it's reflux or something else and we'll know how to treat it better. But I can't help thinking each day that this kid is already on TOO many medicines and has to deal with too much yucky sickness.

She's such a sweet baby and never complains, and I know when she does crab she must be feeling really badly.

I feel (I hope irrationally) that I am a bad mom because I can't make her better. I gave her these genes and she didn't catch a break in the allergy department and what else could go wrong???

And then I feel guilty because there are babies out there with lukemia and other really bad things and this is a drop in the bucket but it's wearing me down. So I generally feel like a bad mom and a bad person and ungrateful and stupid.

I'm probably just bitching because of rain. It's not about me anyway, it's about her...and that she never feels good. And she doesn't get over one cold before moving on to the next one, or an ear infection, or a stomach virus or a new medicine. It just never ends.

Thank god for Sweet Monkey Baby. I would do anything for her...I just hope to hell she didn't inherit our back problems!

On the road again...

I've been away since Monday and it's starting to get to me. I miss Zoe and David so much and I've been sick the whole time I've been here. Fortunately the conference is in Dallas so I've been staying with my sister and that has been great.

It's good to see her and it's like old times again when we used to live together. There is also a Target down the street and I've done some serious damange to their little girls clothes department. SSSSooooooo cute. So cute. CUTE.

This is going to be short but I"m posting picture, so there! These are from a local communities Pumpkin Festival last weekend.

Funny Stuff

Here's a fun game to play. Post your answer in a comment please for all to enjoy. You don't have to post anything else but your sentence!

Make a sentence using the criteria below:

Pick the month you were born:

January--I kicked
February--I loved
March--I smoked
April--I dry humped
May--I choked on
June--I murdered
July--I did the Macarena with
August--I had lunch with
September--I danced with
October--I sang to
November--I yelled at
December--I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:

1-------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a Mexican
6-------a gangster
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbor
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19-------myself
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a permanent marker
30-------a llama
31-------A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:

White----------because I'm cool like that.
Black-----------because that's how I roll.
Red------------because the voices told me to.
Blue-----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want.
Green---------because I got my sexy back.
Purple---------because I didn't want to get voted off the island.
Gray----------because I was drunk.
Yellow--------because a dingo was about to eat my baby.
Orange-------because I hate my family.
Brown--------because I was high.
Other-------because I'm a ninja.
None--------because I can't control myself.

Having Another One

I was stalking the Trying to Conceive boards over on Ovusoft today and I couldn't help but miss the excitement of trying for a baby and the wonder of finding out that we were pregnant. I will never forget that day as long as I live.

It was in April, going into the busy season for me at work. I travel alot in June and July every year and it was the beginning of "conference" season. Our nephew Ethan was born on April 5th, and it had been a little rough. I love my sister in law like a blood sister and nothing made me happier for her than to have a healthy child - especially since they fought fertility issues for so long. It was hard though. If my first pregnancy had gone to term we would have followed her with a child of our own in late May. Fuck I still get so sad when I think of that time.

So Rachel had Ethan and we were all in the delivery room positively beaming over Ethan and I was trying so hard not to cry when Rache's mother in law leaned over and said "we'll be here for you in nine months". I was so grateful for that small and completley generous kindness. That day wasn't about me, shouldn't have been about me and here this wonderful woman stopped and was thoughtful enough to comfort me and give me a small amount of grace. And apparently luck too...because we conceived Zoe that week.

David and I were both sicker than dogs with the flu and we laughingly said if we conceived that month it damn sure wouldn't be out of love! It would just be sheer mechanics.

Fast forward to the end of the month and my boss and I were up in the northern part of the state at a conference. I had already tested negative on several pregnancy tests. Jennifer remarked several times that day how men were staring at me and she needed to go places with me more often. I also kept petting my tummy all afternoon absently. I didn't think anything of it until, on our way home, we stopped for a drink and I wanted V8 more than anything I could think of. I'm not really a fan, but the first time I was pregnant I craved the V8 like it was going out of style.

As soon as I got home I ran out to Walmart and picked up some digital pregnancy tests. I took one and OMG it IMMEDIATELY came up PREGNANT. I was a little in shock. I was so sure I wasn't pregnant that month.

David was due home any minute so after quietly calling my mom I went and sat on the porch and waited for him to come home. I was sort of overcome. I was overjoyed and terrified all at the same time. Our marriage barely survived losing our first - we had openly talked about our fears we couldn't survive losing another pregnancy.

He pulled up in our ragged gravel drive and as soon as he was out of the car and on the lawn he looked at me and said "You're pregnant". I don't honestly remember much after that - just some celebrating. It was increcible.

It seems like forever ago. I guess it was almost two years ago...18 months at least.

I can't imagine not having Zoe anymore...I can't remember what we did without her.

I do want to lose about 80 lbs before we have another one, which means it is time to get off my ass and get healthy. I want that so badly but have a hard time encouraging myself. You'd think she'd be enough of an incentive! I just need to get honest and get real about our lifestyle.

When we move in the winter it should be easier.

so thoughts of another are on my brain...whatever will we do?

The Hard Truth

Before you have children things like being pooped on, boogers, farting in public and a myriad of other things in that category are not only deemed inappropriate and impolite conversation at dinner, they just aren't done!

I can't tell you how many classy, sexy mothers I know who swore they would never resort to "mom" behaviors eventually endup doing things like smelling their kids butts to see if they've pooped. I do it. You do it. Come on...admit it. I'm a butt smeller.

There are also things you could never imagine that come with having a child. Like having your baby actually throw up a little in your mouth. Oh sure, you can call it nice things like "spit up" but anyone out there with a reflux baby KNOWS it ain't spit up. DON'T SHAKE UP REFLUX BABIE PEOPLE!! They will barf in your mouth.

It's disgusting I know, but that's love for you.

A Whole New Look...

Anyone who watched last nights episode of Nip/Tuck knows that sometimes changing your look isn't such a good thing. BUT....you may now notice el bloggo looks a little bit differently and that's because like all good techno geeks I'm beta testing the new blogger for them!

If you notice anything weird, please let me know in comments.

Recapturing Your Youth or Something Better

I've just finished reading the daily blog of one of my favorite musicision whom I have a love/hate relationship with and I'm just blown away. He's finally gotten off of his high horse (this guy once actually called me out on the net for called music piracy a Robin Hood class misdemeanor - although he did straighten me out on how much musicians make off each CD and it's ATROCIOUSLY little) and has started writing again.

It made me hurt to read his words. It made me remember back to when I was 19 and falling in love with his music for the first time during one of the most troubled and painful periods in my life.

It made me want to write...again. It also made me realize how much I love this. I'm too ADD to keep a scrapbook, so this is it. It always has been. My poetry was my scrapbook for years because I hated seeing myself in photos but now that I'm happy I can't write poetry anymore.

What does that mean for you? It means you are get the by invitation only (HA) front row seat to my rebirth. I rediscovered that breathy feeling when you read something powerful and remember that even though your stuff will NEVER be as good as what just made you feel all breathy that you are also in the same club as the people you admire.

You're a writer.

It's been ages since I breathed the scent of good words and excitement. It's been years since I've been revved up enough to stop and say "I remember why I loved this"

David has always felt I've wasted my talent and packed away my creativity and although he's mostly right (although I'm really not all that talented) I want to unpack it, dust it off and try again. Maybe it's time to finally finish that short story I've been working on for 13 years.

I've also been surfing the net today and checked out the Post Secret blog. If you've never seen it you should. It's amazing. It's funny, maddening, tragic.

I have terrible heart burn right now and I miss David, who I haven't spoken to all day. Our 4th anniversary is soon. Four years of marriage and 6 years of love together. He's still the coolest person I know and I'm so proud of the fact that we think our daughter is the most fun person to hang around and that on the odd occasion, we spent a Monday evening doing Vodka shots and playing Scrabble.

I won on Monday. I was pretty proud!

He's my best friend, it's that simple. Do you want to know how effing lucky I am? On Sunday I was in a shitty mood and I apologized and his answer was "Baby, even when you're in a bad mood there still isn't anyone on earth I'd rather spend time with". And it wasn't all sappy...it was just...cool. Matter of fact. Just like him.

Talk about taking people as they are...he has more compassion than anyone I've ever met. And somehow I got him to committ the biggest act of compassion ever - he married me!

I am a very lucky girl. Me and HappyBabyMonkey got it made with that man. We are the luckiest girls in the world!

I hate technology

I wrote you guys this long post about our house of horrors this weekend and it got eaten.

I'll recap:

June 2005 - Moved into new house. Landlord ominously said "We don't have a roach problem"

A year of good living

September 23, 2006 - RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN - Two roaches killed by noon.
September 24, 2006 - middle of the night RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN.
Roach on the counter - RIP
Roach on the counter - RIP
Roach on the bedroom wall - RIP
ROACH ON ME IN BED - RIFP

Did I mention this is the second time this has happened?

I hate this house and I can't wait to move out of it.

Zoe is crawling like a champ now and is such a ham I just wish I could video tape her 24 hours a day.

Gotta run for a while, but will post more later.

Da Brat

There are many words for what has happened to our child in the past couple of weeks. Some of the euphamisms include "spirited" and "head strong". A really nice one was "dripping with personality". That's the South for you - three more words and 8 more syllables to say what was intended - BRAT.

She's even on the BRAT diet right now for God's sake.

If you've been reading you know that she's been sick for over two weeks now, first with a respiratory infection and then a stomach virus. The genius parents (that's me and David by the way) took her off of all of her medicine including her ZANTAC. Let's try a hard one...what's Zantac for? Oh...I know, I know (picture me raising my hand Hermione Grainger style while receiving withering but still sexy looks from Snape) - REFLUX.

Thank God for my mother. I was too much of a dumbass to figure out that she wassn't really throwing up anymore! Her reflux had gotten so bad off of her meds that everything was just coming right back out again! So...we add back in the Zantac and low and behold - no more exorcist baby.

The problem now is that she's used to being held, coddled and clucked at. She's grown accustomed in a VERY princess way of being spoken to in phrases like "does the wittle babies tum tum feel bad?" and "ooooh, did you thwow up? It'll be okay baby!" She's been held for pretty much two weeks straight now. Everyone's physically tired of holding her yet that is all she wants. She's even WAVING like a princess.

It's little things that start with crying when you put her down. It's subtle manipulations like the fact that she doesn't want to hold her own bottle now. She has an entourage by God - why SHOULD she?

Then there is the oh-so-Zha-Zha slapping. She slaps your face. You say "NO Zoe". She smiles that sweet smile and looks at the hand your holding. Then she rears the other one back and slaps you silly AGAIN! That one got her put in her crib. Ooooooh did she scream. She did NOT like being put in her room.

Saturday, on a trip to go shopping with Mom and me, Mom decided to sit in the backseat with her. Zoe screamed for at least 20 minutes while holding out her arms to be picked up. Mom stuck to her guns and said no. That's when the staring started. Zoe stared so hard at her Mom finally had to just turn away and look out the window. I could see her in the rearview and was honestly afraid flames might shoot out of those eyes and smite my Mom right then and there. She looked a little like that asshole baby from "Who Framed Roger Rabit". All you needed was a cigarette and you would have had a damn fine villain on your hands.

So, the staring continues. And continues until we finally figure out about a half hour later the little lady has fallen asleep with her eyes open! That's my girl! She's studying up to be a part of the circus already!

The last straw was last night, right before bed. We fed her applesauce, her first real food she could stomach in a week. David couldn't get it in fast enough. I tried to tell him, I could see the shifting beneath her eyes and then it happened....




GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr



She effing GROWLED at him! It was hysterical. It made me wonder what I'd do when her first curse word came out. It was sooo hard not to laugh. But we made it. Baby Monkey went down for the night. But not, as you can imagine, without adding her two cents.

The Sleeping Sickness...

I do not know how to describe the past two weeks. They have been filled with a sick baby that just keeps getting sicker and the family who is just getting sicker with her.

It all started as a cold, then a respiratory infection. As that got better then came the stomach virus. That start last Saturday morning and hasn't stopped yet. The poor thing hasn't had anything substantial to eat in nearly a week. We're trying the BRAT diet and boy let me tell you, it does indeed make her a BRAT! Hell, I'd be bratty too if you made me drink formula with pedia like and eat things like bananas, toast, rice, etc.

David's been sick, I've been sick and then pinched a nerve in my shoulder.

Just when I got to the end of my rope I get an email from a colleague who also has a daughter in daycare with Zoe. It appears there is a kid who's been sick with a bacterial infection for MONTHS. His father never takes him to the doctor and my colleagues theory (she's a biologist by the way, to lend her some credibility) is that this kid is making all of our kids sick. I'll tell you, I'm buying it becuase Zoe has been sick non stop since she got into daycare and has been on antiobiotics pretty much constantly. It hasn't made any sense...but I had no idea this kid wasn't getting medical attention.

I'm so pissed about the whole thing, and so is my colleague that we are going to only start paying for daycare the days that our kids are well enough to be there. We are the responsible ones, WE are the ones taking our children to the doctor. It's not our fault that daycare only enforces their wellness policy when it revolves around diarrhea or a kid who is vomiting! What's a little mucous among friends?

I'll tell you what it is...it's bacterial pneunomia in a 7 month old and chronic ear infections and reactive lungs in a 9 month old!

I'm going to start billing this fucker who won't take HIS kid to the doctor for MY time away from work, MY doctors visits and MY kids prescriptions.

All the while these poor kids who have responsible parents are living with sick children that don't have to be.

That's my rant for the day. Don't think we're just bitching to bitch here. We're writing a letter and meeting with the center owner (there currently is no director) about enforcing their policy. I don't care if I have to stay home with zoe when she's sick...but she's been sent home for having loose bowels while that little petri dish sits and slobbers all over the other kids at will.

The good news now - Happy Baby Monkey has finally mastered crawling!!!!! Grandma can relax!!! The brain is developing right on schedule!

Visitors

I check site meter pretty frequently (that's the little icon you see at the bottom of the blog) and I see I've got some regular visitors. That makes me really happy that you guys keep coming back to read. I'd love to hear from you so feel free to post a comment or two when you stop by.

I've got it set up so that you have to "verify" your comment by typing in some text that appears on the screen, but that's just to stop random ads in the form of comments. This is my way of keeping everyone up to date, and I'd love to have some feedback from you!

Randomness

Life has been tough these days at Maison de HappyBabyMonkey. Poor little girl is sick again. It seems that whenever she catches a cold it goes straight into her lungs and we are back to wheezing and breathing treatments. I was pretty proud of myself though...I successfully argued against the random assignment of antiobiotics and those terrible long nebulizer treatments in lieu of some cough syrup and an albuterol inhaler. Took her back today and although she'll need a mild antiobiotic to help clear up her lungs we won't have to nebulize her. We'll just have the rescue inhaler if she needs it.

I'm sort of spun today. A while ago my dad got contacted about a new job out of the state. Keep in mind that my folks literally live 5 minutes down the street. We've lived this close for going on nine years now. My dad had a really successful phone interview and I've got this feeling that he's probably going to get the job. He's brilliant so of course they should choose him. I would be so happy for him and for my mom but I just can't imagine living without them so close anymore. I know it would tear mom up to be away from Zoe, it would tear me up too but I suppose that is the way of families.

A friend of mine called today to say that she and her husband were starting to try to have kids. she's coming down tomorrow to spend some time with us and see what it's like. They've had pets for a few years and that's as ready as I think you could be.

Well this is a completely unexciting update so boo if you will. I'm working on some film clips to up that should be pretty funny.

It was good to be seen....

It's been a long day...

I wanted to write this two days ago, but I've just now found the time to sit down. Last night I worked until 9 capping off the worst day of a pretty week yet. I was to train the president of the university in one of our new technologies and I don't think I could have bombed harder if I'd tripped over him, grabbed his ass on the way down and farted when I landed. It felt that bad at least. I'm waiting for my paycheck to see if there will be a pink slip in it.

The semester started Wednesday. Zoe also became VERY mobile on Wednesday. I was late to work because she has learned that she can scoot very fast on hardwood and tile floors calling MMMMMMmmmmmmmMMMMAAAAMMMA MAMA MAMAM the whole way. I'm going to have to change my morning routine to getting ready while David is at home still.

As I buckled her into the car and turned off our quiet street to the bustle of start of school traffic I found myself at once proud and appalled at being one of the status quo. It felt downright zen to be one of the Toyota driving soccerish moms out. I couldn't help though but think of who I had been all those years ago - younger and much dumber but also more spontaneous and adventuresome. There are days I really miss that kind of chaos.

Have I told that George and I working together now? I feel really bad for him this week because I have not been a good suite mate, although he's born it with his usual charm, diplomacy and good humor. I couldn't ask for a better colleague or friend. He's really a stand up guy, and I couldn't be prouder for him than of the job he's doing. It's a shit job at first, to be the trainer, because lots of people take advantage of you, but it's that baptism by fire that sorts the wheat from the chaff. He has and will continue to excel because he is good at everything he does.

He's also made our office look really nice.

I'm eating like I'm college again. I made dinner on Monday - whole wheat pasta with white turkey meat sauce, whole wheat rolls and asparagus. A good bottle of wine and dinner at the table. It was nice.

Now we're resorting to five dollar pizza and Grey Goose Martinis. Jesus, I'm even tired of hearing myself whine.

David is doing really well at his new job and Zoe is growing so quickly I can't believe it sometimes. I know that there was life before her, but I"m not sure what it was or what meaning it had. I am so very fortunate to have my family close by and a husband/partner/best friend to share my life with.

Bah. That's enough for today.

She's so unusual

Let m bgin this by saying that th E ky on my laptop is not working. I think given the previous sentenc that was probably prtty obvious. We'll make due.

I had my first truly embarassing moment as a parent. Ok...so we've all figured out that Zoe has her own personality and she's going to do things her way. We've also figurd out that she really digs noises.

Yesterday she discovered that umm, well, straining hard when pooping was fun. She would bare down really hard until her face turned all red and tears came to her eyes (Ok I really nevr knew how many e's I had to typ). It wasn't that sh was constipatd, it was that she COULD do it. She thought it was th bees knees. So sh did it alot. And...well....of course it was frigging PICTURE day at day care. So thy tll m sh was hamming it up for the camera and yup...sho nuff she was doing THE STRAIN!!!!

I can't wait to gt thos picturs. If that wasn't nough...I tak hr into daycare this morning all rd facd and teary and all you can hear as we walk is hre " MMMMNNNNNNNNUUUUHHHHH" as she pushs. No poop mind you....just pushing.

I just know somewher, some mother is blogging about this just like I bloggd about th boogr eating kid.

Karma is a bitch.

Gotta lov this on though....

The more things change...

I never understood how quickly things could change, and once you noticed that something had changed suddenly you begin to see how other changes have crept slowly into you life. I dropped her off at daycare this morning and she was my baby and when I picked her up she was completely different. She looked completely different. It was the height of her cheeks I think. They went away chubby little dewlaps that framed a particularly adorable gummy smile. When I picked her up they were round little chipmunk cheeks - ripe with the promise of getting into things she shouldn't and budding teeth. Her hair was a little longer and she was just a little more independent that she was yesterday. It's not just me...David noticed it as soon as he pulled in. We were sitting on the front porch, fresh from Zoe's triumph of grasping a tree limb and making the whole tree shake. Fresh from the realization that when she reads Pat the Bunny she CAN play peekaboo with John just like she does with us. David got out of the car and said "She looks like a baby...my God she's changed just today".

From those exclamations we continued our evening - bath, bottle, bed. It was only when I'd sat down to take a bite of my dinner (a peanut butter bagel and orange juice) that I looked up and saw how David had stacked her toys on top of the wicker baskets that hold Zoe things. I realized that slowly, amazingly, beautifully her presence had seeped permanently into my anally clean living room - it had in fact become part of the decor. I thrilled when I realized "this is my family, and this is my home". In that miniscule moment she became a little more mine, we became a little more family and I understood once more that this IS forever. She is our daughter. She is our life and there is no color in the room without her.

Of course there is David and I as a couple...we love each other very much and are careful to make time for that when possible but somehow this tiny little being has truly enjoined us. We spill over into each other through her, the best of both of us and we will never be the same.

Who would want to?

She's Got 100 Different Smiles

She has at least 100 different smiles this child does. And she's so beautiful. I got bogged down with not updating for a while because I missed so much and there was so much I wanted to say, but you have to just dig in and start again somewhere.

Quick up date of what Zoe is doing now:
- Eating Solids (YUMMY)
- Sitting up
- Grabbing EVERYTHING
- Banging on hard surface she can bag on
- Take a bath in the big girl tub
- She has two teeth and she's working on two more
- She can say DADA and BABA
- Hold her own bottle

She's changing so quickly. She's got this big gummy smile and the laughter dance that we call "Joygasms" that she just freaks out and starts headbanging and giggling when she sees one of us.

Her new smile is when you come up behind her and kiss her on the head she gets this little tight, pursed lips smile that just reeks of "Mooooommmm......What are you DOING??"

I survived my first trip away from her. It was terrible. I felt as if I'd left half of my soul at home. Don't get me wrong - SLEEPING IN was heaven. HEAVEN. I haven't been the same since actually, but it was still awful being away from her for six days.

David did fabulously on his own though. I'm shocked and little dismayed at the number of women who appear not to trust their husbands to successfully watch their own children in their absence. I mean, the child IS half his!!! I can't conceive of a world in which my incredible husband DOESN'T give his all and doesn't do at least 50% of the work. I know I"m lucky though, and many don't.

But women I think have this trouble giving up their perceived power when it comes to their offspring. The subconsciously WANT to be the only people that can take care of the child. It defines them. It is their sole purpose and without that power they have no control.

Let me tell you....I AIN'T one of those women. I find I enjoy Zoe much more knowing that she is surrounding by loving and trusted people who help care for her. I'm proud of the village that is helping to raise and shape my child.

Buns of Steel

My kid is freaking amazing. I mean...she's so far ahead of her time it's not even funny!

And she's soooo not MY kid. She loves to exercise. She can do full push ups! I mean on her hands and her TOES push ups.

The only truly ridiculous part of that is that she ends up scooting backwards.

I sort of have a bit of writers block. I"m thinking of asking David to do some updating for me so that he can put some in from his perspective. I'm sure he'd enjoy that....wouldn't you neighbor?

Baby's Day Out

Zoe took her first trip last weekend that was both overnight AND without her Daddy. My sister just bought a house and so Mom and I drove down to help with a garage sale (which is code for SHOP).

Mom was worried how Zoe would do in the car, and that really turned out to be the least of our worries (with the exception of the extremely disgusting diaper change that took place in the back (leather) seats of my dads Impala that not only caused Zoe to cry but made me cry like when I'm cutting onions). The end result was that she slept most of the way, played with me the remainder of the time and we all got there in one piece without killing each other.

Sleeping was a whole other basket of bananas. #1 thing to remember - zoe does NOT like sleeping in her Pack N Play. Nope, noway, no how, NADA. Her normal bedtime is 7:30 PM. The first night she finally fell asleep at midnight, and the second night it was sometime after 10 PM.

The rest of the times that we were out she did great, as usual. She loves to be a girl about town and loves shopping even now!


Let's talk about naps and how they relate to back and neck pain. Zoe would NOT nap ANY other way than this:




This was at LEAST three naps a day for half and hour to 45 minutes at a time. THANK GOD for muscle relaxers.

That said though, I'm very proud of how she did! She missed her Daddy so much though! I've never seen her smile like she smiled when she saw David!

Somewhere In Time...

It all goes by so quickly. I don't know exactly how many days have passed since I updated this but I already know there are some many things that Zoe has done that I won't be able to document them all!

Let's start with a section called "New Things that Zoe Does"

(1) She can EAT! They told me she'd been doing it well at daycare for a while now, but she never wanted to eat babyfood at home. She would just sit in the high chair with a look that said "Are you RETARDED? LEARNING IMPAIRED? Would YOU eat that?"

Last Saturday night she just decided she would show ME. So she eats now and her favorite foods are apples and peas and sweet potatoes (not all together of course). The fun thing here is that she already likes to feed herself. She wants to hold the spoon....hard. Her favorite place to grasp the spoon (logically) is in the bowl of it, where the food is. It's the closest to her mouth. That makes feedings fun!

(2) She is starting to be able to sit up a little, which is very exciting. She loves to be on her tummy to play or in her exersaucer, but she really wants to be a part of the action.

Anyone need a miracle for their child who MUST be in the middle of everything but can't sit up for herself yet? Try a Bumbo Seat. It looks a pod for Yoda to sit in, but it's a freakin' miracle!

(3) She is learning to make OTHER people laugh. It started when she was sick and David would cough at her to make her laugh (I know, she's weird). A couple of days ago she started "fake" coughing before she made any sound. Then, I had a bad allergic reaction that sent me to the ER and robbed me temporarily of my voice. When Zoe heard me try to talk she laughed, and did a fake cough and started grunting at me. Well that got me giggling, which got her giggling and now she's doing funny things to make Mommy and Daddy laugh.


I've got some new pics that I will post from Mothers day and beyond, someday Lord, when I have more time. I should be able to keep up a little more frequently now.

My next post is going to be must haves for every new mom. Feel free to comment and I'll keep the list going!

Are you there God? it's ME, Margaret!

We're still here. In the battle of good and evil, Unhappy Baby Monkey is winning. She keeps making appearances at home, and for long stretches at a time. I KNEW we shouldn't have breathed that colossal sigh of relief when we passed the point that colic would have taken hold.

That's all for now. Oh yeah...and this...

Bookends

I haven't posted in a bit and I'm really sorry for that. It's not that nothing important is happening (hell, my first Mothers Day just passed!) it's just that important things are happening in other areas of my life. Work is getting really busy with software installs, training, trying to hire an assistant that I don't get as much "slacker" time anymore.

Zoe has changed so much in the past week and a half, sometimes I can scarcely believe it. She went from being very interested in her surroundings and studying them intensley to truly interacting with them.

When I say interact, that's pyschobabble for GRABBING. Oh yes. She grabs now. First it was Moms little day of the week pill box which she eyed and then played with as if it was the most expensive toy Fisher Price had to offer. Oh how she loved that pillbox!!! After that, it was ON. My glasses are another favorite. It's a fun game to swipe the glasses right off my face. Those of you who know me in real life know the fun with that game. I'm blind as an effing bat without my glasses. I can't see where her grubby little hand is waving them. Fortunately she usually hits me in the face with them after a second so I know where they are (this was NOT something I thought of when I ordered streamlined, cool little silver glasses)

After my glasses it was my coffee cup. And our lips or eyelids or noses.

It's awesome to see her discovering so much more around her.

She also digs tummy time now (did I tell you guys that already?) She actually calms down when she's on her tummy.

David has a new game that he plays with her. He holds her in a cradle hold and she'll reach up to touch his face (you think it sounds sweet but it really looks like a scene from the Miracle Worker). He then snarls at her and pretends to eat her hand. She LOVES it. She laughs so hard she sucks in air and makes that wheezy littel "eeeeeeeeee" sound.

She's also finding she likes some baby food. Carrots are good (they don't go up her nose nearly as much as the sweet potatoes) and apples and oatmeal aren't that bad either. She's even starting to open her mouth for the spoon a little.

Let me tell you people, spit up gets REALLY fun when there are colored foods involved.

I gave in to the baby gear mania and bought her a bumbo seat. I will post pictures of it tomorrow!

A million little things

Well, between the rockin' thunderstorm that kept us out of power for a bit and the fact that blogger has apparently been effed up for a few days, I haven't been posting much and frankly people...you have been reading much.

That's right. I can see. I KNOW ALL!

Things have been settling down in our household. Zoe is finally back to herself (it turns out she missed daycare. Monday afternoon she was sooo happy when I picked her up)

She's really starting to grab for things now. Last evening I was wearing her while in the yard helping Mom pick up sticks and branches. We were using those littel grabber, which let me tell you are a real exercise in dexterity. I'm pretty confident I could do one of those remote robotic surgerys now.

I started to notice every time I went to put a branch in the trash bag she would grab for it. So I let her play with one for a little while. Then she made a grab for my water glass when we took a break on the porch. I decided to let her explore and she DUNKED her hand in my waterglass! She seemed to think that whole grabbing business is pretty cool.

She also dearly loves to grab hair, noses and lips. It's just one big old glad handing grabbing fiesta!

She hates eating solid food though. More sweet potatoes get up her nose than anything else.

I've realize that I'm a rotten closer. It's a cop out, but I'm going to leave you with another entertaining picture. Sorry Mom. Had to do it.

We're Only Love At It's Best or Worst

Parenting can be an exercise in evasive maneuvers. By evasive I mean learning to wrestle away all of the fears, unknowns, guilt and unbelievable responsibility and putting those things in a place where they can't find you for a while. You know it's not going to be forever, but you can at least buy some time until the NEXT time they rear their evil heads.

If you ever allowed yourself the time and energy it takes to tackle all of those fears that nest in your head you could simply NOT be a good parent. There would be no foods you could eat, no foods your child could eat, no place you could go, no one would talk to you, etc. You'd just be a crazy hermite germaphobe freak parent who raises one of those weird kids who eats butter by the stick and calls himself "Frankie" when his name is John.

For as long as I can remember I've had dreams about these enormous Tsunami type waves come at me and wash over me. I've never been afraid of them. I think this is because when I was very little, one of the summers we spent at Lake Michigan I was playing in the waves and one washed over me. I opened my eyes to see green water sparkling brilliant in the sun, and I felt at peace.

Those dreams haven't changed, but in my waking life I feel those waves coming towards me and they aren't as harmless or pleasant as in my dreams. Each time a wave of panic threatens to wash over me I try to take a breath and give it to God.

What if she doesn't get better? What if they were right about vaccines and I've given her Autism? What if daycare is what is making her sick? Why can't I just stay home and take care of her?

I feel deficient as a mother when I think these things and they simply won't do.

I love that child with every fiber of my being and I will not let the waves wash over me. There is no peace in that.

Fortunately right about the time I feel like I'll break Zoe farts like an old man or blows out a diaper and we both think it's hilarious and life is broken down into simple, one syllable tasks like changing diapers and giving baths. Or...she makes a face like this...



I never liked abstract art, and I won't give into abstract thinking.

Unhappy Baby Monkey

Remember before when I said that I had reached my limit of finding things humorous when Zoe was sick.

I was wrong.

Unhappy Baby Monkey showed her face yesterday. I've decided that Happy Baby Monkey is zoe's superhero name and her use of her feet is her superpower. This is probably resultant of too many conversations with David about What Superhero Would I Be and What Would my SuperPower Be....blah blah blah.

So her evil ALTEREGO is UnHappy Baby Monkey. It's freakin' Friday people, give me a break - there's just not much left in the creativity well.

Upward and onward though...

Zoe hates her breathing treatments which consist of a box about the size of a See N Say, complete with handle that opens up to attach the tubing and what looks like a good old fashioned chloroform mask.

She KNOWS what's about to happen when she sees that mask. Mom asked if she could possibly have caught on that quickly and my answer is HELL YES. She starts drooling and crying. It's sort of Pavlovian.

The mask goes on and her eyes well up and the crying begins. It tears the very fabric of my heart to hear her cry that way. I will admit to being a complete wimp. I have to be the one holding her because I can't stand the look of recrimination on her innocent little face.

And then it begins.

First it's the "wringing of the feet". She literally wrings her feet like someone else might wring their hands.

Then she starts clapping them together. They turn red and hot and they seem to be everywhere at once (hence the superpower reference)!

UnHappy Baby Monkey has grabbed the tubing and almost ripped it, gouged me with her toenails, grabbed the mask connector and successfully pulled that out. The most devilish incident occurred when Mom and I were giving her a treatment. She had one hand and one foot. I had another foot and hand and she was literally up in the air, rigid, like when we used to play Light as a Feather Stiff as a Board when we were kids.

Giving her one of these treatments is like riding a bull! I keep waiting for some cowboy in chaps to scream "7 SECONDS" so I can let go. But no, the treatments last about 12 minutes each, with no respite from the howling of Unhappy Baby Monkey.

DISCLAIMER

I use spell check, I swear.

I'm just usually either blogging on the DL from work or I'm up late doing it and trying to edit it later.

I apologize for any and all spelling/grammatical errors that make me appear uneducated or stupid.

I really need your approval. Forgive me please?

Happy Friday!

Overcome

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Our broadcast this evening comes from a place many have visited and never returned once they had children - Exhaustionville. It's sort of like New Mexico, but not nice.

Seriously though, I've been out of pocket a couple of days because Zoe has been very sick. She came down with Bronchiolitis, which can be a very serious respiratory condition in babies.

It can manifest as a regular cold, but in Zoe's case gave her a tearing, bubbly cough and labored breathing, etc. I took her to the pediatrician on Tuesday and she ended up on Albuterol treatments every 4 hours for 24 hours, and she's still taking them as needed. She's also on Amoxicillin, Cough Syrup and vitamins.

Poor thing - we're pretty sure she got it from daycare.

As it happens, as a frame of reference this began Sunday and it is now Thursday.

I wanted this to be funny, but the truth is it's been pretty scary. I think seeing her with a mask on her face taking breathing treatments and getting her pulse/ox checked sort of shell shocked me back to when she was born.

Almost everyone I know whose children had this ended up in the hospital. So far, our trooper is doing pretty well.

So I've basically been scared shitless and ashamed of myself that I'm so tired that when I do wake up at night I make David check her breathing to ensure it's alright.

That little girl is the world to us and I"m sure we're making a mountain out of a molehill but it was damn scary to hear her cough and labor to breath

She also screamed like hell when we give her the treatments. That didn't help. She doesn't like being restrained at all.

Well, we've learned a couple of things about me today.

(1) I do have limits - not everything CAN be viewed humorously
(2) I use foul language when I'm tired.

signing off for now, I just wanted you to know we're stil here...

The Virtues of a Good Husband II -That Cat Has a Screw Loose

One of my cats is about as high maintenance as Zoe. To tell the truth, he may be a little more. He was terribly malnourished when he was young and was the runt of the litter. So his brain did not develop properly and while he is instinctively intact his problem solving abilities are a little sub par for the feline community's comfort.

He's big and fluffy and gray with a jauntily curling tail. I'm pretty convinced that the squirrels in our yard think he's the Squirrel King, because he resembles them, but bigger and not as agile.

Sooooooo.....After the Oven incident on Friday, all we need is another quasi emergency to really break the mood of relaxed splendor hanging out on Saturday had created.

We had just picked up Zoe from mom and dads and returned home. We were making a decision about dinner when I noticed our neighbors dog Peanuts was out. He's a sweet dog really, but he loves to chase my cats. Not two weeks earlier we were trying to get Gemini down from a tree because Peanuts was trying to have his way with her.

There is a window on our porch we leave partially open for the cats in just such an emergency. Jupiter however, being a few whiskers short of a tuna did NOT make a go for the window. Oh, he went past it alright, but no IN IT.

Instead he ran UP the tree and stayed there. Cats climb trees, I know. And rarely do they ever need the fire department to help them down. This time however, we had to complicating factors.

(1) The mockingbirds are nesting. For anyone who has ever had a mockingbird nest in a tree or NEAR a tree in your yard you know the dangers. They will dive bomb ANYTHING that comes close to their nest. We nearly lost Gracie (big fat cat) in a freak nesting incident that resulted in a Mockingbird sitting on her back pecking at her as she waddled to safety.

(2) There was a thunderstorm coming.

We whistled, "kitty kitty'ed" and pleaded for him to come down. His nimble little self was going to have nothing of it.

Lacking a proper ladder, David and I decided the best course of action was to get really trailer trash and pull the car into the front yard under the tree. Not the GOOD car of course, but my 1989 Ford Tempo.

In the rain, the lightning an wind, my superhero husband, much like those fireman in suburban legends, managed to coax that dipshit cat out of the tree.

I won't attempt to give you an insightful closing. I think the picture below speaks for itself.

The Virtues of a Good Husband Part I - Fire in the Hole

Husbands are great to have around on occasion. David and I had a wonderful date day on Saturday, and it was very "couple-ish" and romantic, but I'd much rather draw attention to his finer qualities, as husband, daddy and resident superhero pledged to fight household disaster. Like the small matter of our oven catching on fire.

Friday night was supposed to be Chili Dog Night. This was David and my lame attempt at trying for healthy junkfood. Our oven hadn't been working so great and our landlord finally finished it, so we though "YES! No longer will take take 45 minutes to cook some decent fries!"

That hope was dashed several minutes later, when amid the heavy smoke rolling out from the kitchen I hear David quietly scuffling about. "What's wrong babe?" I call out.

"The oven's on fire" he says

"What?"

"The oven, it's on fire. I'm putting it out".

After a fleeting trip down memory lane back to when David broiled some stale saltines in the oven to "crisp them up" and ended up with a flaming stack of cardboard crackers I gather myself to ask what the damage is.

It was minimal really; non existent. Just a little blackening around the bottom, and David's non chalantness made me believe it wasn't that big of a deal. Turns out, the first was about the size of a saucer in diameter and reached all the way to the second rack of the oven.

But he beat the flames back, time and time again - to protect home and hearth. Not only that, but My Hero CLEANED the freaking oven afterward.

Zoe slept, blessedly ignorant of this near disaster.

Nose Miner's Daughter

This morning when I dropped Zoe off at daycare there was a very sweet exchange between a mother and her daughter. They were racing to the door and giggling together and just generally having a good time.

As the mother signed her daughter in, daughter clasped closely to her side I noticed that the little one was picking her nose rather enthusiastically. I don't mean half heartedly at all...a genuine mining expedition. And then...

She
Ate
It.

That wasn't done absently either. She looked at it, thought about it, popped it in mouth and smacked her lips delicately as if letting a good wine "finish".

The world sort of stopped for me in that moment, and in slow motion I saw her mother bend down and kiss her on the lips completely unaware of what had just taken place.

Inside my head I could see myself screaming slow motion-like, like in the movies "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" but nothing came out.

I just stood there frozen in awe and horror. The 3 year old that always resides in the back of my head cackled nastily and chanted "you just kissed a booger mouth, you just kissed a booger mouth". I felt my mouth curl into a little half smile and thank GOD for that little 3 year old in my head because the woman looked at me just then and I must have still been smiling because she said "I bet you can't wait until she's old enough for this stuff".

Yeah lady. I can't wait. And when my time comes I bet I'll never even think of it.

But until then...YOU JUST KISSED A BOOGER MOUTH.

My Gal!

The Sleep of the Innocent

My friend George always says when he sees Zoe sleep that he wishes he could sleep like that without the aid of drugs. (The prescription kind lest you get a poor image of my friend George).

Zoe is one of those kids who doesn't want to sleep because she's afraid she might miss something. She's been known to wake herself up from a nap when she hears laughter (especially if it's Mom, Bridget and I all laughing. I think she gets confused because we all sound alike). She is such a little a diva already.

When Happy Baby Monkey gets tired it goes a little something like this:

Stage 1 - "The Long Blink Goodnight". In this stage Zoe opens her eyes as widely as possible in order to communicate that is still awake. It takes FOREVER for her to blink, but when she finally does it's a long blink. The next one is a little longer, then a little longer. I swear to God she's a like a weight lifter who's maxed out the weights at the end of his reps. I want to offer to spot her or something.

Stage 2 - "Sleep is for Doody Heads" When the weight of her eyes finally gets the better of her she begins to thrash her head back and forth as if vigorously denying the exhaustion will somehow make it go away. It's actually kind of freaky if you watch her, because she drools a lot right now and it would be easy for us new parents to think she's having a seizure or something (David, don't tell anyone that I actually thought she was having one in the car that day).

Stage 3 - "Elvis the Pelvis" Pretty recently Zoe has begun doing what can only be describes as a pelvic thrust while sitting in her bouncy chair. It's pretty funny, but it is effing HYSTERICAL when she adds to the drooping lids, thrashing head scenario. It's like watching an Elvis concert back in the 50's. I've often teased David who affectionately refers to his job as her Daddy as being primarily to "keep her off the pole" that he's not doing a very good job.

Stage 4 "What Sleep May Come". When she finally surrenders to sleep, it's not without a fight or her own particular flair. There is this big sigh, one final head roll and then she's OUT. But her little fists stay curled up so tight in defiance and her monkey feet clasped together, occasionally twitching like a cats tail. It's like she wants the universe to know that she's asleep but she's pretty pissed about it. We know at that stage not to move her. She's not sleeping really deeply. When the fists finally relax and those feet finally separate that means she has finally acknowledged her fate and, as with all other of her pleasures, has surrendered to it completely.

Singer of Songs

I used to be a rational adult. It's not that I don't have a fun side. I think that most people who know me will tell you that I have a real soft spot for bathroom humor and can be a pretty funny person.

I never thought I'd be the parent who sang the songs. You know which ones. The ones you sing them to make them laugh, get them to poop, get them to stop crying, etc.

Zoe likes anything sung to the tune of the old Fraggle Rock theme song but most especially she likes the tune to "Clementine".

I can't get it out of my head:

"Oh my punkin, Zoe Duncan
Oh my punkin Zoe Mine
You are sweet and oh so pretty
oh my punkin Zoe mine"

There's more, and it changes every time usually imploring her to do something like stay still or poop - but I'll spare you.

What's worse is when I sing it I sound drunk. What I'm even more afraid to admit is that I like singing it.

Da-Feet

You're probably wondering by now why the hell this blog is called Happy Baby Monkey.

Zoe has this thing with her feet. We noticed about a month or so ago that she curls her feet when she sleeps. Dad mentioned that she was like a monkey or a bird - her toes curled to help her hang on the branch when she sleeps. I almost peed my pants I laughed so hard. If your a die hard creationist, please chill out because we're not making an evolutionists statement here.

We're just saying my daughter has some issues with her paws!

She grabs things with them, splays them independently like fingers, grabs things between her feet as if they were hands and most recently has begun to "wring" her feet when upset or angry.

Seriously. I'm not making this up. Sometimes I think she uses her feet more than she uses her hands. There are toys she simply will not play with except with her feet. You know those little plastic rings of keys that all babies have? Yeah...She loves to hold them with her feet.

At first it was quirky, now it's downright entertaining!

Hence the Happy Baby Monkey. Oh...it also doesn't help her ears are turning out a bit on top. She's starting to look like a right proper chimp!

Ok, now before my mom gets angry at me for calling her a chimp, I'll post a pretty picture of her so you'll see she really is a gorgeous baby!

On Being a Modern Woman

I went to college, got the degree, got the job and in 3 years moved up the ranks from being a secretary to the head of my own department. I always thought I'd be the kind of woman who was only content with a family and a career.

Working has always brought me deep satisfaction. Imagine my surprise when domesticity began to suit me better! The first month of maternity leave I spent holding Zoe. I got to know the breadth and depth of her; learned every smell, sound and texture. She was an oasis to me and I drank in that time because I knew I would never have it again. Even with other children I knew it would never but THAT new and THAT frightening and THAT exhilarating. She was also a balm to my soul. Being with David has always made me feel healed and safe from all of the hurts of my youth - but Zoe made me COMPLETE. I was whole and finally had a clear direction and purpose. Never again would I stumble over titles or salaries - they didn't matter. I was Zoe's mom. I am Zoe's mom.

A rhythm developed of feedings and naps and I got my bearings. I cleaned my house every day and after a while had the "fifteen minute quick clean" going on. I watched Oprah and Martha Stewart and tried new recipes. I would go for long stretches, even DAYS at a time without ever thinking of work or the emails piling up in my in box. I existed in a cocoon of love and sleep deprivation.

As the time drew near for me to return to work I knew that it could never be the same. My priorities had shifted vastly and I no longer lived for the work that I did. David and I had always talked about finding a way for him to stay home with Zoe, I never dreamed I would feel the same way.

Like everything else so far though, she made it easy for us. She's a very social baby and much happier in the company of other people than just staying at home. She loves her daycare and I see her light up when we run into her providers in the grocery store or around town. They adore her as much as we do.

I'll get over this I'm sure. I'm very fortunate that she's only 5 minutes away and I can see her at lunch whenever I miss her too much. I'm getting back into the groove of work and enjoying my job again. But I still live for the evenings, when I get her home and out of her carseat and feel the sweet curve of her cheek against mine. She lets out this little sigh, and eats and goes to sleep and all is right with her world and mine now that we are...home.

Zoe's First Day

Zoe came into the world on her own terms. After a long last trimester of bedrest and worry because of blood pressure issues and the fact that the little monkey (yes, she earned the name in utero) was all kinds of breech, she bestowed us with her sweet and "attitudinal" self via C section on December 21st, 2005. For the record, it was not me who named her attitudinal - it was the nurses who cared for her after her birth.

Most babies who are born via C Section don't cry right away. Zoe came out crying. LOUDLY.
Her first order of business after being bathed and put in a bassinet was to kick the chart the nurse had lay down right off of it.



It did not at all surprise me that she did this when the story was later relayed to me, as she had been kicking the shit out of me for about 4 months, right up until the very end. She tap danced, practiced tai chi, riverdanced, played soccer and just generally used her legs to pummel me in any way possible.

The hallmark of her birth is that she came out feet first.

After the chart kicking incident young Zoe cried and fretted incessantly (I believe it is because I was not allowed to see her) and was thus aptly and affectionately named "attitudinal" by the nursery staff.

I say this now with laughter, but it was a scary time. Zoe swallowed amniotic fluid when she came out (of the TEN AND A HALF INCH INCISION) and was having some breathing difficulties. Often times C section babies breath too rapidly and do not have the appropriate oxygen mixture in their lungs having been deprived of the natural birth process. Zoe was one of them.

She was in an oxygen isolette for 24 hours after she was born; unequivocally these were longest hours of my life. I was worried sick for her though I was assured she was in no real danger. I was worried enough that I asked the nurses to amp me up on enough pain killers for me to get out of bed and get down to the nursery to see her. They were very kind to let me do this because I had more bleeding than they were comfortable with and I had orders not to get up until the next day.

True to form though, the nurses that were also mothers understood, and helped me get to her. There, touching her for the first time I finally cried. She was so little, so beautiful and so perfect. I had never felt such love and strength before. I had never been so afraid but I also felt natural and confident. I wanted to hold her so badly I almost shouted it at the nurse. Instead, I quietly held her hand and cried joyously at the miracle of her.