The more things change...

I never understood how quickly things could change, and once you noticed that something had changed suddenly you begin to see how other changes have crept slowly into you life. I dropped her off at daycare this morning and she was my baby and when I picked her up she was completely different. She looked completely different. It was the height of her cheeks I think. They went away chubby little dewlaps that framed a particularly adorable gummy smile. When I picked her up they were round little chipmunk cheeks - ripe with the promise of getting into things she shouldn't and budding teeth. Her hair was a little longer and she was just a little more independent that she was yesterday. It's not just me...David noticed it as soon as he pulled in. We were sitting on the front porch, fresh from Zoe's triumph of grasping a tree limb and making the whole tree shake. Fresh from the realization that when she reads Pat the Bunny she CAN play peekaboo with John just like she does with us. David got out of the car and said "She looks like a baby...my God she's changed just today".

From those exclamations we continued our evening - bath, bottle, bed. It was only when I'd sat down to take a bite of my dinner (a peanut butter bagel and orange juice) that I looked up and saw how David had stacked her toys on top of the wicker baskets that hold Zoe things. I realized that slowly, amazingly, beautifully her presence had seeped permanently into my anally clean living room - it had in fact become part of the decor. I thrilled when I realized "this is my family, and this is my home". In that miniscule moment she became a little more mine, we became a little more family and I understood once more that this IS forever. She is our daughter. She is our life and there is no color in the room without her.

Of course there is David and I as a couple...we love each other very much and are careful to make time for that when possible but somehow this tiny little being has truly enjoined us. We spill over into each other through her, the best of both of us and we will never be the same.

Who would want to?