It's been a long day...

I wanted to write this two days ago, but I've just now found the time to sit down. Last night I worked until 9 capping off the worst day of a pretty week yet. I was to train the president of the university in one of our new technologies and I don't think I could have bombed harder if I'd tripped over him, grabbed his ass on the way down and farted when I landed. It felt that bad at least. I'm waiting for my paycheck to see if there will be a pink slip in it.

The semester started Wednesday. Zoe also became VERY mobile on Wednesday. I was late to work because she has learned that she can scoot very fast on hardwood and tile floors calling MMMMMMmmmmmmmMMMMAAAAMMMA MAMA MAMAM the whole way. I'm going to have to change my morning routine to getting ready while David is at home still.

As I buckled her into the car and turned off our quiet street to the bustle of start of school traffic I found myself at once proud and appalled at being one of the status quo. It felt downright zen to be one of the Toyota driving soccerish moms out. I couldn't help though but think of who I had been all those years ago - younger and much dumber but also more spontaneous and adventuresome. There are days I really miss that kind of chaos.

Have I told that George and I working together now? I feel really bad for him this week because I have not been a good suite mate, although he's born it with his usual charm, diplomacy and good humor. I couldn't ask for a better colleague or friend. He's really a stand up guy, and I couldn't be prouder for him than of the job he's doing. It's a shit job at first, to be the trainer, because lots of people take advantage of you, but it's that baptism by fire that sorts the wheat from the chaff. He has and will continue to excel because he is good at everything he does.

He's also made our office look really nice.

I'm eating like I'm college again. I made dinner on Monday - whole wheat pasta with white turkey meat sauce, whole wheat rolls and asparagus. A good bottle of wine and dinner at the table. It was nice.

Now we're resorting to five dollar pizza and Grey Goose Martinis. Jesus, I'm even tired of hearing myself whine.

David is doing really well at his new job and Zoe is growing so quickly I can't believe it sometimes. I know that there was life before her, but I"m not sure what it was or what meaning it had. I am so very fortunate to have my family close by and a husband/partner/best friend to share my life with.

Bah. That's enough for today.

She's so unusual

Let m bgin this by saying that th E ky on my laptop is not working. I think given the previous sentenc that was probably prtty obvious. We'll make due.

I had my first truly embarassing moment as a parent. Ok...so we've all figured out that Zoe has her own personality and she's going to do things her way. We've also figurd out that she really digs noises.

Yesterday she discovered that umm, well, straining hard when pooping was fun. She would bare down really hard until her face turned all red and tears came to her eyes (Ok I really nevr knew how many e's I had to typ). It wasn't that sh was constipatd, it was that she COULD do it. She thought it was th bees knees. So sh did it alot. And...well....of course it was frigging PICTURE day at day care. So thy tll m sh was hamming it up for the camera and yup...sho nuff she was doing THE STRAIN!!!!

I can't wait to gt thos picturs. If that wasn't nough...I tak hr into daycare this morning all rd facd and teary and all you can hear as we walk is hre " MMMMNNNNNNNNUUUUHHHHH" as she pushs. No poop mind you....just pushing.

I just know somewher, some mother is blogging about this just like I bloggd about th boogr eating kid.

Karma is a bitch.

Gotta lov this on though....

The more things change...

I never understood how quickly things could change, and once you noticed that something had changed suddenly you begin to see how other changes have crept slowly into you life. I dropped her off at daycare this morning and she was my baby and when I picked her up she was completely different. She looked completely different. It was the height of her cheeks I think. They went away chubby little dewlaps that framed a particularly adorable gummy smile. When I picked her up they were round little chipmunk cheeks - ripe with the promise of getting into things she shouldn't and budding teeth. Her hair was a little longer and she was just a little more independent that she was yesterday. It's not just me...David noticed it as soon as he pulled in. We were sitting on the front porch, fresh from Zoe's triumph of grasping a tree limb and making the whole tree shake. Fresh from the realization that when she reads Pat the Bunny she CAN play peekaboo with John just like she does with us. David got out of the car and said "She looks like a baby...my God she's changed just today".

From those exclamations we continued our evening - bath, bottle, bed. It was only when I'd sat down to take a bite of my dinner (a peanut butter bagel and orange juice) that I looked up and saw how David had stacked her toys on top of the wicker baskets that hold Zoe things. I realized that slowly, amazingly, beautifully her presence had seeped permanently into my anally clean living room - it had in fact become part of the decor. I thrilled when I realized "this is my family, and this is my home". In that miniscule moment she became a little more mine, we became a little more family and I understood once more that this IS forever. She is our daughter. She is our life and there is no color in the room without her.

Of course there is David and I as a couple...we love each other very much and are careful to make time for that when possible but somehow this tiny little being has truly enjoined us. We spill over into each other through her, the best of both of us and we will never be the same.

Who would want to?