Daddy Baby Monkey

Wow, what a nice way to say I love you! Mommy Monkey has given me a spare set of keys to this blog and I've been told to introduce myself. I'm not sure who reads this, nor am I sure about whether or not yon readers know me. If not, you will in the coming months. Right now my mind isn't in the most creative of states. Think of an old shoe in a trashcan, and you'll know wher I'm at. So instead I'll share my current favorite picture of The Monkey. That's her trying to catch snowflakes on her tongue!

Happy Valentines Day

I'd just like to say Happy Valentine's Day from the Happy Baby Monkey family! We hope you are as rich in love as we have been this past year.

A happy new development is that Daddy Baby Monkey will now be posting as well as me! Welcome Daddy Baby Monkey! We look forward to your first post!

Also, thank you to our big fan who came forward and let us know what was going on with the spike in page views. We're very happy to have such a dedicated follower and we apologize for any embarassment we may have caused you. After watching 2,348 episodes of NBC's "To Catch a Predator", I've decided you just can't ever be too careful. Please feel free to stop by as often as you would like.

Hope you enjoy the eye candy!

Eating Crow....er...boogers

Many of you will remember this post. It's still one of my favorites.

Well. *sigh* I have to eat some crow.

When you have a child you dream that she will be the perfect little lady. That she will always be clean, have a bow in her hair and will never, ever be one of those snot nosed kids that you see running around Walmart pulling pickle jars off shelves and screaming "MOM! I POOPED!!!".

Those dreams are quickly shattered when your child comes.

Today I stopped and got at Sonic before coming to work and when the carhop came to deliver my order she sort of just stared blankly at me for a few seconds. Ok, well, I THOUGH she was staring at me. It was then I realized I had been hearing subliminally little smacking noises of goodness coming from Zoe's mouth and little satisfied "mmmm Mmmmss".

I turned in my seat to see a ginormous booger on her finger. My heart started pounding and I felt very much like those those characters in Hitchcock movies look when the camera zooms in on them at a weird angle. I could hear myself internally screaming "NooooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" as she began licking the booger. I'll spare you the details of what transpired next. Suffice it to say that A good time was had by all and Zoe was greatly disappointed when her little treat was gone.

Although it seemed like ages, this all occurred within a few mortifying seconds and I again became aware of the carhop, who was uncomfortably waiting for me to pay her. I shoved a $20 in her hand and got my change, then tipped her a dollar for her trouble and thanked her for always being "so nice" to us. I hope she keeps her mouth shut.

I was mortified. Wracked with hilarity as well, but utterly mortified.

Hi, I'm Kris, and I'm the mother of a booger eater. No judgment here. Just peace and understanding.

Manipulation

As a would-be psychologist I find it fascinated to watch the development of my daughter. It's amazing to see language occur and evolve. It's breath taking to see the little faces, mannerisms and idiosyncrosies that are already painting the picture of her personality.

And then there are the glimpses of what is to come:

Zoe (toddles up to mommy's plate to see what's cookin. See's it's pizza and is very interested. She reaches for a slice)

Mommy: No no baby, it's HOT. Can you say HOT?

Zoe (crying and kicking legs because she HATES the word NO)

Mommy (ignoring outburst)

Zoe (deciding that the tears are having no effect on the heartless monster she calls mother, takes a different tack. She climbs up my leg, wraps her arms around it and hugs me!)

Mommy: Zoe, it's HOT. Too hot for mommy's mouth, definitely too hot for yours.

Zoe (once again dissolves into tears and theatrics)

Mommy: Zoe, now that you've made such a big deal about this, I can't let you have any

Zoe (puts the final knife into my heart. She rests her chin on my leg silently as tears slip down her cheeks, looking like a the little match girl or something)

Before I could burst out laughing David came and distracted her, which took all of 30 seconds.

It's scary how fast they learn!

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year everyone!

What a Christmas this has been. The family had TEN full days together and it was AWESOME. It was very hard to go back to work.

So much happened in those 10 days I can hardly believe it.

Zoe started WALKING!!!! She can take about 6 steps independently. So much progress in such a short amount of time.

Christmas morning was so much fun. We got up early and waited for her to get up so we could open presents. She was, as usual, spoiled by everyone she knows.

Her favorite toy by far was her little hippo walker that lets her cruise all around the house. She walked so much the first day that she was sore the next.

She's also picking up words like they are on sale at Sam's Club!

She has added these to her list:
tootsies (her feet)
Grandpa
cracker
hi

It was so precious when I woke her up this morning, she greeted me with a long "Hi". And then did the same for her daddy too.

All in all it was a wonderful holiday and although I'd rather be at home knitting, it's sort of nice to be back at work too.

Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas

How did a year go by so quickly? HappyBirthdayMonkey had her party last weekend and celebrated her first birthday yesterday. And she rang it right by taking HER FIRST STEPS.

It was soooo exciting to see her wobble towards me on those chucky little legs!

Her party was awesome! We had lots of folks there and probably couldn't have packed anyone else in the house. It was amazing to be surrounded by so many family and friends who love our little girl.

She was a little unsure of what was going on at first, but once she realized those people were there for her, it was ON!

Especially at cake time.

A big thanks to everyone who came.

Here are pics

We're still here

It's been a while since I posted, I know. Life has taken a busy turn as our HappyBabyMonkey approaches her first birthday.

My God how can a year have passed already? It seems like yesterday I was on bedrest begging the doctor to induce so we could all be put out of our collective misery.

She has SEVEN teeth now, can you believe it?

Her first birthday party is tomorrow so I'll be back in the evening to post picks and let you know how it goes. We got a new digital camera so I'm excited about using it.

sorry it's short, but it's almost time to go home and I have birthday party shopping to do!!!

The Story of Dean Martin and Little Miss Helpful

Some time ago David and I bought a Dean Martin doll that sings "That's Amore". He's on this little pedastal wearing a suit with an old fashioned mic and his mouth moves. It's a bit of a charicature of him, but it's still entertaining to watch. I think we bought him initially as a gag gift for someone...probably Jason, Zoe's godfather.

Anyway, we ended up keeping him, our $3 Dean, because he was really entertaining.

Zoe finds him really entertaining as well. She really likes the dinner show, where he sits on the dining room table and croons to her while she eats in her high chair. Over and over again the opening notes will play, and she smiles and gets a light in her eyes. She starts to sway to the music and laughs her soft little laugh.

More recently she's developed alot of affections for old Dean. More specifically, she likes to kiss him. Sometimes it's her silly, open mouth stick your tongue out a little on the cheek kiss, but last night it was something different.

She leaned down and pursed her precious little lips to together and gave him a little peck right on the mouth. Then she kissed his head and his cheek. She just laughed with delight. She refused to kiss either David or I (MY face was still sticky from the rain of kisses she gave me when I picked her up from daycare) but she just kept kissing Deano.

I guess she digs the crooners.

Flash forward 20 minutes and it's time to go to bed. David and I have her jammies out and have stripped her down to her socks and taken her diaper off to give her a little room to breath. In a fit of uncontrollable nakedness, she pee'd EVERYWHERE.

It doesn't happen very often, so when it does it's pretty funny. What was even MORE funny is that she promptly pulled of her socks and decided to use them to help clean herself up.

The whole time she has this adorable look on her face that said "I'm HELPING! Look at me!"

I thought we were going to pee ourselves too.

Little Miss Helpful saves the day!

The Safari I Always Wanted

Technology is wonderful. I wanted to share this with you. I found some sites online that are live streams of different animal habitats in Southern Africa. I've always wanted to go on safari to see these animals and now I can see them all day, every day.

It's an adventure and learning experience each day to see the "regulars" and what goes on at these habitats. I'm including below a slideshow of pictures that I've taken online from these streams

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Create Your Own!

All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teef

Well she got 'em. Zoe finally got her two front teeth. She looks freakin' adorable with them.

What she's doing now:

Eating grown up food
Cruising on furniture
Trying to stand and walk

Her words are:
Mama
Dada
Cat
Dog
Truck
Daddums

She can also finally pet the cats nicely.

She's going through some separation anxiety though. Dropping her off in the morning at daycare is getting so hard. I just wanna hold her and stay home with her.

Somedays it's so hard to come to work.

I'm sort of out of words for now...but I'm sure I'll have something more later.

It's been a while

Sorry it's been a bit since I posted. Things have been nuts. The aforementioned teething has gotten better, but we had Halloween (which did not go AT ALL the way we would have hoped) and my mom had surgery.

She had a mass on her ovary and they did a thorough surgery to be sure it wasn't cancer. Thankd GOD it wasn't, we were all kinda scared. She had been in the hospital since Wednesday and finally got to come home yesterday afternoon.

Her hospital stay is a whole other story for another day.

Back to halloween for a moment. We didn't really get to trick or treat because Zoe's having some trouble with the time change. So we grabbed some dinner, came home and decided to just hand out candy.

Lo and behold this girl that we knew from college shows up...unannounced. Not to trick or treat, but to come in and visit.

Some background on thsi woman. She was ok in college...we got along better than I got along with most of the girls we hung out with (mainly because David had dated all of them) and so back then all was good.

then she graduated and moved away. She came back to visit and I decided to cook some dinner for she and some of out other friends.

Ladies...you'll be with me on this one. As I'm cooking dinner, she comes into my very small kitches and begins to tell me how I should cook the food. Her justification is that she's the fry cook at her daddy's GAS STATION and she knows what she's talking about.

Take away the fact that I was cooking an original reciped. Take away the fact that she was being ungracious. She was BOSSING ME AROUND IN MY OWN KITCHEN.

Fast forward to the night before my wedding. She shows up at my house where my friends, sisters and wedding party ladies are having a little get together. My last night as a bachelorette. Teh bachelor party is raging across the street at the best man's house.

She wasn't invited to the wedding and she SURE as hell wasn't invited to the party. Yet in she came and my GOD she stayed. She kidnapped my maid of honor and kept her out until 4 in the morning.

Then she invited herself to the weddings.

So in she comes to my house on my daughers first Halloween and her kid is SICK. He snotty and has that loose mucousy cough. I said very plainly that if he was sick the kids needed to be kept separate because Zoe gets so sick so fast.

Nope, he wasn't sick she said. She stayed for two hours. I got up and went to Walmart at one point I was so pissed. When I got back her son was taking Zoe's toys and hitting her and pushing her down.

she didn't do a DAMN thing. I had to be the one to tell him to stop time and time again.

I finally said I needed to work and she left. I never want her in my house again.

She drives me freakin' crazy.

Toofer The Road

Good evening listeners and welcome to tonights broadcast.

Tonight we're on location from that dark and strange realm where zebra buffalos roam and everything takes on that sort of fuzzy, can't focus the screen sort of look. It's a place we visited often in our youth but in the late summer of our lives decided we'd had enough of along with other places like Spring Break Ft. Lauderdale and the floor in front of the toilet in our best friends creepy garage apartment.

The place my friends, is Sleep Deprivation Land.

This is what "teething" can do. It's a rather plain, innocuous word isn't it? It's polite, to the point and descriptive. What it DOESN'T do is appropriately convey the effect it can have on your child.

Teething can turn your kid into a screaming, inconsoleable banshee.

Teething can give them a fever, a sore mouth and a diaper rash all at the same time. All of these things my child has right now.

Imagine yourself in this predicament. It would be terrible.

Ok...I'm off to sleep now!

X Ray Vision

If you've been paying any attention lately you've heard me bitching about Zoe's health alot lately. Well, I finally convinced the pediatrician to take some action and they scheduled Zoe for an Upper GI on Tuesday.

She was an absolute doll in the waiting room and was being fawned over by all the old ladies waiting for their osteo scans. She hadn't had anything to eat since midnight so I was praying my good luck held and they would call her back soon.

They did.

And as soon as we got in the room - monkey's special brand of super power showed itself.

As soon as we sat down in the Xray area, she began blowing rasberries at the Xray tech, who was a nice young guy teaching two new X ray techs how to scan infants.

They all thought the rasberries were cute. I thought about warning them, but decided they probably wouldn't believe me anyway.

She looked all around the room with wary interest and a clear "What the fuck am I doing HERE?" sort of expression on her face. The kindly teacher gentleman approached me and let me know what our doctors name would be and proceeded to give this long, somewhat patronizing (and later ironic) speech. It went something like this (imagine a better looking Barney Fife in whites with a really country accent now)

"Ma'am, now don't you worry here. Yer little girl is gowna be just fahn. We do this evUHry day and there's nothing out thar that we cain't handle. You MUST stay behind the glass barrier at all times".

I tried to assure him I wasn't "that" mom and his reponse was "NO NO NO, A'hm thayat kahnda Dad. Ah know how it is".

Ummm...Ok. whatever you just said.

Enter the doctor, who will later name my child Ella Diablo for reasons that will become clear shortly. He is a kindly fellow by the name of Montoyez and I can barely contain my urge to chat "Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to DIE!". He explains the procedure which involves feeding my starving child barium and then taking pictures of her tummy.

I started to feel a little uneasy at this point so I said "Um, I think I should tell you she is VERY strong and VERY stubborn. She doesn't like to be restrained at all". I again got the speech from the kindly doctor Montoyez about how I should remain behind the barrier and they could handle anything that came their way. There were four of them all told. I thought it would be ok.

Now I'm behind the barrier, watching in fascination as my sweet baby's little tummy comes up on the monitor in Xray contrast. I see her little heart and her tiny little fist waving through her ribs. Ok, that part was sort of weird, but it was still cool.

I was so busy watching the barium slide down her esophagus that I only partially heard the struggles coming from the Xray table. They were getting louder though, and harder to ignore.

My fascination was blown all to hell when I heard the doctor call out "WHERE IS SHE??? I can't find her!"

Mommy vision snapped to and I frantically looked past the glass barrier to see the two McXrayTechs scrambling and reaching for her and the doctor grabbing for something.

OUT SHE COMES!!!!

She shot out of that Xray chamber on her hands and knees and almost made it over the edge of the table before they got her.

"Ok Mom, why don't you go ahead and come out here and give us a hand. Lead her up"

I felt like I was in an episode of ER. The attendants put the lead vest on me and tied it while I was striding confidently toward the Xray table where my sweet daughter is now...yep...you guessed...Ella Diablo. She is screaming and crying and twisting and with FOUR of us holding her down we can't get into position to take the damn picture. One more person came over to help position her, making FIVE. After another moment of scuffling with this freakishly strong 10 month old they decided to take a break. It was like trying to play Twister with a snake.

I felt so badly for her. She was crying and scared and hungry.

My ASS they could handle anything that went on out there! The nurses kept coming by and telling me she'd never need a body guard and the doctor needed to take a break because she made him sweat so bad. Yeah, I know...it's kind of pathetic but give him a break, he's only a Radiologist. It's not like he lifts anything much heavier than an XRAY all day!!!

After 10 minutes of soothing I finally got her calmed down and we tried again. We didn't do very well, but it only took four of us this time and we did get a picture.

They were very self congratulating after it was over and complimented me on the strength of my sweetie. I'm sure they felt they'd had their aerobic activity for the day. I'm also sure they all went home and told their families about it.

As for Baby Monkey, they didn't find anything abnormal, which is good. They have switched her meds to something different to see if it works.

God willing we won't have to put her or anyone else through that again!

I told you she was a freakin' superhero!

My poor ASS

I can't freaking believe it! I FELL again today. This is the SECOND time I have fallen in three months. The first time was bad...I sprained my ankle. At least so far this time all seems to be ok.

I hydroplaned in our car port. It is smooth concrete and therefore very slippery when damp and WHOOSH...out went my feet from under me!!! Thank GOD mom was holding Zoe...and I can't imagine having fallen with her in my arms. It all happened to fast.

I sort of slid down one leg and onto my butt and then hit my head. I'm ok though. Just fine.

Zoe laughed on my way down and continued to laugh while I lay there.

That's my girl!!!!

My Poor Baby Monkey

Well kids...this is it. They are finally going to do a swallow study on Zoe. This is essentially an upper GI for babies.

Mom took her in last week for her 7th cold and 7th ear infection in 6 months and they gave her amoxicillin again and it made her throw up...again. I took her in first thing this morning and they said she may be allergic to penicillin.

We also talked at length about her reflux and they aren't 100% sure that's what it is. It could be something called Pyloric Stenosis and they want to rule that out. This means that her pyloric muscle (valve) may be thicker than it should and that her stomach isn't processing food properly.

It's a good thing, because we'll know for sure if it's reflux or something else and we'll know how to treat it better. But I can't help thinking each day that this kid is already on TOO many medicines and has to deal with too much yucky sickness.

She's such a sweet baby and never complains, and I know when she does crab she must be feeling really badly.

I feel (I hope irrationally) that I am a bad mom because I can't make her better. I gave her these genes and she didn't catch a break in the allergy department and what else could go wrong???

And then I feel guilty because there are babies out there with lukemia and other really bad things and this is a drop in the bucket but it's wearing me down. So I generally feel like a bad mom and a bad person and ungrateful and stupid.

I'm probably just bitching because of rain. It's not about me anyway, it's about her...and that she never feels good. And she doesn't get over one cold before moving on to the next one, or an ear infection, or a stomach virus or a new medicine. It just never ends.

Thank god for Sweet Monkey Baby. I would do anything for her...I just hope to hell she didn't inherit our back problems!

On the road again...

I've been away since Monday and it's starting to get to me. I miss Zoe and David so much and I've been sick the whole time I've been here. Fortunately the conference is in Dallas so I've been staying with my sister and that has been great.

It's good to see her and it's like old times again when we used to live together. There is also a Target down the street and I've done some serious damange to their little girls clothes department. SSSSooooooo cute. So cute. CUTE.

This is going to be short but I"m posting picture, so there! These are from a local communities Pumpkin Festival last weekend.

Funny Stuff

Here's a fun game to play. Post your answer in a comment please for all to enjoy. You don't have to post anything else but your sentence!

Make a sentence using the criteria below:

Pick the month you were born:

January--I kicked
February--I loved
March--I smoked
April--I dry humped
May--I choked on
June--I murdered
July--I did the Macarena with
August--I had lunch with
September--I danced with
October--I sang to
November--I yelled at
December--I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:

1-------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a Mexican
6-------a gangster
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbor
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19-------myself
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a permanent marker
30-------a llama
31-------A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:

White----------because I'm cool like that.
Black-----------because that's how I roll.
Red------------because the voices told me to.
Blue-----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want.
Green---------because I got my sexy back.
Purple---------because I didn't want to get voted off the island.
Gray----------because I was drunk.
Yellow--------because a dingo was about to eat my baby.
Orange-------because I hate my family.
Brown--------because I was high.
Other-------because I'm a ninja.
None--------because I can't control myself.

Having Another One

I was stalking the Trying to Conceive boards over on Ovusoft today and I couldn't help but miss the excitement of trying for a baby and the wonder of finding out that we were pregnant. I will never forget that day as long as I live.

It was in April, going into the busy season for me at work. I travel alot in June and July every year and it was the beginning of "conference" season. Our nephew Ethan was born on April 5th, and it had been a little rough. I love my sister in law like a blood sister and nothing made me happier for her than to have a healthy child - especially since they fought fertility issues for so long. It was hard though. If my first pregnancy had gone to term we would have followed her with a child of our own in late May. Fuck I still get so sad when I think of that time.

So Rachel had Ethan and we were all in the delivery room positively beaming over Ethan and I was trying so hard not to cry when Rache's mother in law leaned over and said "we'll be here for you in nine months". I was so grateful for that small and completley generous kindness. That day wasn't about me, shouldn't have been about me and here this wonderful woman stopped and was thoughtful enough to comfort me and give me a small amount of grace. And apparently luck too...because we conceived Zoe that week.

David and I were both sicker than dogs with the flu and we laughingly said if we conceived that month it damn sure wouldn't be out of love! It would just be sheer mechanics.

Fast forward to the end of the month and my boss and I were up in the northern part of the state at a conference. I had already tested negative on several pregnancy tests. Jennifer remarked several times that day how men were staring at me and she needed to go places with me more often. I also kept petting my tummy all afternoon absently. I didn't think anything of it until, on our way home, we stopped for a drink and I wanted V8 more than anything I could think of. I'm not really a fan, but the first time I was pregnant I craved the V8 like it was going out of style.

As soon as I got home I ran out to Walmart and picked up some digital pregnancy tests. I took one and OMG it IMMEDIATELY came up PREGNANT. I was a little in shock. I was so sure I wasn't pregnant that month.

David was due home any minute so after quietly calling my mom I went and sat on the porch and waited for him to come home. I was sort of overcome. I was overjoyed and terrified all at the same time. Our marriage barely survived losing our first - we had openly talked about our fears we couldn't survive losing another pregnancy.

He pulled up in our ragged gravel drive and as soon as he was out of the car and on the lawn he looked at me and said "You're pregnant". I don't honestly remember much after that - just some celebrating. It was increcible.

It seems like forever ago. I guess it was almost two years ago...18 months at least.

I can't imagine not having Zoe anymore...I can't remember what we did without her.

I do want to lose about 80 lbs before we have another one, which means it is time to get off my ass and get healthy. I want that so badly but have a hard time encouraging myself. You'd think she'd be enough of an incentive! I just need to get honest and get real about our lifestyle.

When we move in the winter it should be easier.

so thoughts of another are on my brain...whatever will we do?

The Hard Truth

Before you have children things like being pooped on, boogers, farting in public and a myriad of other things in that category are not only deemed inappropriate and impolite conversation at dinner, they just aren't done!

I can't tell you how many classy, sexy mothers I know who swore they would never resort to "mom" behaviors eventually endup doing things like smelling their kids butts to see if they've pooped. I do it. You do it. Come on...admit it. I'm a butt smeller.

There are also things you could never imagine that come with having a child. Like having your baby actually throw up a little in your mouth. Oh sure, you can call it nice things like "spit up" but anyone out there with a reflux baby KNOWS it ain't spit up. DON'T SHAKE UP REFLUX BABIE PEOPLE!! They will barf in your mouth.

It's disgusting I know, but that's love for you.

A Whole New Look...

Anyone who watched last nights episode of Nip/Tuck knows that sometimes changing your look isn't such a good thing. BUT....you may now notice el bloggo looks a little bit differently and that's because like all good techno geeks I'm beta testing the new blogger for them!

If you notice anything weird, please let me know in comments.