Recapturing Your Youth or Something Better

I've just finished reading the daily blog of one of my favorite musicision whom I have a love/hate relationship with and I'm just blown away. He's finally gotten off of his high horse (this guy once actually called me out on the net for called music piracy a Robin Hood class misdemeanor - although he did straighten me out on how much musicians make off each CD and it's ATROCIOUSLY little) and has started writing again.

It made me hurt to read his words. It made me remember back to when I was 19 and falling in love with his music for the first time during one of the most troubled and painful periods in my life.

It made me want to write...again. It also made me realize how much I love this. I'm too ADD to keep a scrapbook, so this is it. It always has been. My poetry was my scrapbook for years because I hated seeing myself in photos but now that I'm happy I can't write poetry anymore.

What does that mean for you? It means you are get the by invitation only (HA) front row seat to my rebirth. I rediscovered that breathy feeling when you read something powerful and remember that even though your stuff will NEVER be as good as what just made you feel all breathy that you are also in the same club as the people you admire.

You're a writer.

It's been ages since I breathed the scent of good words and excitement. It's been years since I've been revved up enough to stop and say "I remember why I loved this"

David has always felt I've wasted my talent and packed away my creativity and although he's mostly right (although I'm really not all that talented) I want to unpack it, dust it off and try again. Maybe it's time to finally finish that short story I've been working on for 13 years.

I've also been surfing the net today and checked out the Post Secret blog. If you've never seen it you should. It's amazing. It's funny, maddening, tragic.

I have terrible heart burn right now and I miss David, who I haven't spoken to all day. Our 4th anniversary is soon. Four years of marriage and 6 years of love together. He's still the coolest person I know and I'm so proud of the fact that we think our daughter is the most fun person to hang around and that on the odd occasion, we spent a Monday evening doing Vodka shots and playing Scrabble.

I won on Monday. I was pretty proud!

He's my best friend, it's that simple. Do you want to know how effing lucky I am? On Sunday I was in a shitty mood and I apologized and his answer was "Baby, even when you're in a bad mood there still isn't anyone on earth I'd rather spend time with". And it wasn't all sappy...it was just...cool. Matter of fact. Just like him.

Talk about taking people as they are...he has more compassion than anyone I've ever met. And somehow I got him to committ the biggest act of compassion ever - he married me!

I am a very lucky girl. Me and HappyBabyMonkey got it made with that man. We are the luckiest girls in the world!

I hate technology

I wrote you guys this long post about our house of horrors this weekend and it got eaten.

I'll recap:

June 2005 - Moved into new house. Landlord ominously said "We don't have a roach problem"

A year of good living

September 23, 2006 - RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN - Two roaches killed by noon.
September 24, 2006 - middle of the night RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN.
Roach on the counter - RIP
Roach on the counter - RIP
Roach on the bedroom wall - RIP
ROACH ON ME IN BED - RIFP

Did I mention this is the second time this has happened?

I hate this house and I can't wait to move out of it.

Zoe is crawling like a champ now and is such a ham I just wish I could video tape her 24 hours a day.

Gotta run for a while, but will post more later.

Da Brat

There are many words for what has happened to our child in the past couple of weeks. Some of the euphamisms include "spirited" and "head strong". A really nice one was "dripping with personality". That's the South for you - three more words and 8 more syllables to say what was intended - BRAT.

She's even on the BRAT diet right now for God's sake.

If you've been reading you know that she's been sick for over two weeks now, first with a respiratory infection and then a stomach virus. The genius parents (that's me and David by the way) took her off of all of her medicine including her ZANTAC. Let's try a hard one...what's Zantac for? Oh...I know, I know (picture me raising my hand Hermione Grainger style while receiving withering but still sexy looks from Snape) - REFLUX.

Thank God for my mother. I was too much of a dumbass to figure out that she wassn't really throwing up anymore! Her reflux had gotten so bad off of her meds that everything was just coming right back out again! So...we add back in the Zantac and low and behold - no more exorcist baby.

The problem now is that she's used to being held, coddled and clucked at. She's grown accustomed in a VERY princess way of being spoken to in phrases like "does the wittle babies tum tum feel bad?" and "ooooh, did you thwow up? It'll be okay baby!" She's been held for pretty much two weeks straight now. Everyone's physically tired of holding her yet that is all she wants. She's even WAVING like a princess.

It's little things that start with crying when you put her down. It's subtle manipulations like the fact that she doesn't want to hold her own bottle now. She has an entourage by God - why SHOULD she?

Then there is the oh-so-Zha-Zha slapping. She slaps your face. You say "NO Zoe". She smiles that sweet smile and looks at the hand your holding. Then she rears the other one back and slaps you silly AGAIN! That one got her put in her crib. Ooooooh did she scream. She did NOT like being put in her room.

Saturday, on a trip to go shopping with Mom and me, Mom decided to sit in the backseat with her. Zoe screamed for at least 20 minutes while holding out her arms to be picked up. Mom stuck to her guns and said no. That's when the staring started. Zoe stared so hard at her Mom finally had to just turn away and look out the window. I could see her in the rearview and was honestly afraid flames might shoot out of those eyes and smite my Mom right then and there. She looked a little like that asshole baby from "Who Framed Roger Rabit". All you needed was a cigarette and you would have had a damn fine villain on your hands.

So, the staring continues. And continues until we finally figure out about a half hour later the little lady has fallen asleep with her eyes open! That's my girl! She's studying up to be a part of the circus already!

The last straw was last night, right before bed. We fed her applesauce, her first real food she could stomach in a week. David couldn't get it in fast enough. I tried to tell him, I could see the shifting beneath her eyes and then it happened....




GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr



She effing GROWLED at him! It was hysterical. It made me wonder what I'd do when her first curse word came out. It was sooo hard not to laugh. But we made it. Baby Monkey went down for the night. But not, as you can imagine, without adding her two cents.

The Sleeping Sickness...

I do not know how to describe the past two weeks. They have been filled with a sick baby that just keeps getting sicker and the family who is just getting sicker with her.

It all started as a cold, then a respiratory infection. As that got better then came the stomach virus. That start last Saturday morning and hasn't stopped yet. The poor thing hasn't had anything substantial to eat in nearly a week. We're trying the BRAT diet and boy let me tell you, it does indeed make her a BRAT! Hell, I'd be bratty too if you made me drink formula with pedia like and eat things like bananas, toast, rice, etc.

David's been sick, I've been sick and then pinched a nerve in my shoulder.

Just when I got to the end of my rope I get an email from a colleague who also has a daughter in daycare with Zoe. It appears there is a kid who's been sick with a bacterial infection for MONTHS. His father never takes him to the doctor and my colleagues theory (she's a biologist by the way, to lend her some credibility) is that this kid is making all of our kids sick. I'll tell you, I'm buying it becuase Zoe has been sick non stop since she got into daycare and has been on antiobiotics pretty much constantly. It hasn't made any sense...but I had no idea this kid wasn't getting medical attention.

I'm so pissed about the whole thing, and so is my colleague that we are going to only start paying for daycare the days that our kids are well enough to be there. We are the responsible ones, WE are the ones taking our children to the doctor. It's not our fault that daycare only enforces their wellness policy when it revolves around diarrhea or a kid who is vomiting! What's a little mucous among friends?

I'll tell you what it is...it's bacterial pneunomia in a 7 month old and chronic ear infections and reactive lungs in a 9 month old!

I'm going to start billing this fucker who won't take HIS kid to the doctor for MY time away from work, MY doctors visits and MY kids prescriptions.

All the while these poor kids who have responsible parents are living with sick children that don't have to be.

That's my rant for the day. Don't think we're just bitching to bitch here. We're writing a letter and meeting with the center owner (there currently is no director) about enforcing their policy. I don't care if I have to stay home with zoe when she's sick...but she's been sent home for having loose bowels while that little petri dish sits and slobbers all over the other kids at will.

The good news now - Happy Baby Monkey has finally mastered crawling!!!!! Grandma can relax!!! The brain is developing right on schedule!

Visitors

I check site meter pretty frequently (that's the little icon you see at the bottom of the blog) and I see I've got some regular visitors. That makes me really happy that you guys keep coming back to read. I'd love to hear from you so feel free to post a comment or two when you stop by.

I've got it set up so that you have to "verify" your comment by typing in some text that appears on the screen, but that's just to stop random ads in the form of comments. This is my way of keeping everyone up to date, and I'd love to have some feedback from you!

Randomness

Life has been tough these days at Maison de HappyBabyMonkey. Poor little girl is sick again. It seems that whenever she catches a cold it goes straight into her lungs and we are back to wheezing and breathing treatments. I was pretty proud of myself though...I successfully argued against the random assignment of antiobiotics and those terrible long nebulizer treatments in lieu of some cough syrup and an albuterol inhaler. Took her back today and although she'll need a mild antiobiotic to help clear up her lungs we won't have to nebulize her. We'll just have the rescue inhaler if she needs it.

I'm sort of spun today. A while ago my dad got contacted about a new job out of the state. Keep in mind that my folks literally live 5 minutes down the street. We've lived this close for going on nine years now. My dad had a really successful phone interview and I've got this feeling that he's probably going to get the job. He's brilliant so of course they should choose him. I would be so happy for him and for my mom but I just can't imagine living without them so close anymore. I know it would tear mom up to be away from Zoe, it would tear me up too but I suppose that is the way of families.

A friend of mine called today to say that she and her husband were starting to try to have kids. she's coming down tomorrow to spend some time with us and see what it's like. They've had pets for a few years and that's as ready as I think you could be.

Well this is a completely unexciting update so boo if you will. I'm working on some film clips to up that should be pretty funny.

It was good to be seen....

It's been a long day...

I wanted to write this two days ago, but I've just now found the time to sit down. Last night I worked until 9 capping off the worst day of a pretty week yet. I was to train the president of the university in one of our new technologies and I don't think I could have bombed harder if I'd tripped over him, grabbed his ass on the way down and farted when I landed. It felt that bad at least. I'm waiting for my paycheck to see if there will be a pink slip in it.

The semester started Wednesday. Zoe also became VERY mobile on Wednesday. I was late to work because she has learned that she can scoot very fast on hardwood and tile floors calling MMMMMMmmmmmmmMMMMAAAAMMMA MAMA MAMAM the whole way. I'm going to have to change my morning routine to getting ready while David is at home still.

As I buckled her into the car and turned off our quiet street to the bustle of start of school traffic I found myself at once proud and appalled at being one of the status quo. It felt downright zen to be one of the Toyota driving soccerish moms out. I couldn't help though but think of who I had been all those years ago - younger and much dumber but also more spontaneous and adventuresome. There are days I really miss that kind of chaos.

Have I told that George and I working together now? I feel really bad for him this week because I have not been a good suite mate, although he's born it with his usual charm, diplomacy and good humor. I couldn't ask for a better colleague or friend. He's really a stand up guy, and I couldn't be prouder for him than of the job he's doing. It's a shit job at first, to be the trainer, because lots of people take advantage of you, but it's that baptism by fire that sorts the wheat from the chaff. He has and will continue to excel because he is good at everything he does.

He's also made our office look really nice.

I'm eating like I'm college again. I made dinner on Monday - whole wheat pasta with white turkey meat sauce, whole wheat rolls and asparagus. A good bottle of wine and dinner at the table. It was nice.

Now we're resorting to five dollar pizza and Grey Goose Martinis. Jesus, I'm even tired of hearing myself whine.

David is doing really well at his new job and Zoe is growing so quickly I can't believe it sometimes. I know that there was life before her, but I"m not sure what it was or what meaning it had. I am so very fortunate to have my family close by and a husband/partner/best friend to share my life with.

Bah. That's enough for today.

She's so unusual

Let m bgin this by saying that th E ky on my laptop is not working. I think given the previous sentenc that was probably prtty obvious. We'll make due.

I had my first truly embarassing moment as a parent. Ok...so we've all figured out that Zoe has her own personality and she's going to do things her way. We've also figurd out that she really digs noises.

Yesterday she discovered that umm, well, straining hard when pooping was fun. She would bare down really hard until her face turned all red and tears came to her eyes (Ok I really nevr knew how many e's I had to typ). It wasn't that sh was constipatd, it was that she COULD do it. She thought it was th bees knees. So sh did it alot. And...well....of course it was frigging PICTURE day at day care. So thy tll m sh was hamming it up for the camera and yup...sho nuff she was doing THE STRAIN!!!!

I can't wait to gt thos picturs. If that wasn't nough...I tak hr into daycare this morning all rd facd and teary and all you can hear as we walk is hre " MMMMNNNNNNNNUUUUHHHHH" as she pushs. No poop mind you....just pushing.

I just know somewher, some mother is blogging about this just like I bloggd about th boogr eating kid.

Karma is a bitch.

Gotta lov this on though....

The more things change...

I never understood how quickly things could change, and once you noticed that something had changed suddenly you begin to see how other changes have crept slowly into you life. I dropped her off at daycare this morning and she was my baby and when I picked her up she was completely different. She looked completely different. It was the height of her cheeks I think. They went away chubby little dewlaps that framed a particularly adorable gummy smile. When I picked her up they were round little chipmunk cheeks - ripe with the promise of getting into things she shouldn't and budding teeth. Her hair was a little longer and she was just a little more independent that she was yesterday. It's not just me...David noticed it as soon as he pulled in. We were sitting on the front porch, fresh from Zoe's triumph of grasping a tree limb and making the whole tree shake. Fresh from the realization that when she reads Pat the Bunny she CAN play peekaboo with John just like she does with us. David got out of the car and said "She looks like a baby...my God she's changed just today".

From those exclamations we continued our evening - bath, bottle, bed. It was only when I'd sat down to take a bite of my dinner (a peanut butter bagel and orange juice) that I looked up and saw how David had stacked her toys on top of the wicker baskets that hold Zoe things. I realized that slowly, amazingly, beautifully her presence had seeped permanently into my anally clean living room - it had in fact become part of the decor. I thrilled when I realized "this is my family, and this is my home". In that miniscule moment she became a little more mine, we became a little more family and I understood once more that this IS forever. She is our daughter. She is our life and there is no color in the room without her.

Of course there is David and I as a couple...we love each other very much and are careful to make time for that when possible but somehow this tiny little being has truly enjoined us. We spill over into each other through her, the best of both of us and we will never be the same.

Who would want to?

She's Got 100 Different Smiles

She has at least 100 different smiles this child does. And she's so beautiful. I got bogged down with not updating for a while because I missed so much and there was so much I wanted to say, but you have to just dig in and start again somewhere.

Quick up date of what Zoe is doing now:
- Eating Solids (YUMMY)
- Sitting up
- Grabbing EVERYTHING
- Banging on hard surface she can bag on
- Take a bath in the big girl tub
- She has two teeth and she's working on two more
- She can say DADA and BABA
- Hold her own bottle

She's changing so quickly. She's got this big gummy smile and the laughter dance that we call "Joygasms" that she just freaks out and starts headbanging and giggling when she sees one of us.

Her new smile is when you come up behind her and kiss her on the head she gets this little tight, pursed lips smile that just reeks of "Mooooommmm......What are you DOING??"

I survived my first trip away from her. It was terrible. I felt as if I'd left half of my soul at home. Don't get me wrong - SLEEPING IN was heaven. HEAVEN. I haven't been the same since actually, but it was still awful being away from her for six days.

David did fabulously on his own though. I'm shocked and little dismayed at the number of women who appear not to trust their husbands to successfully watch their own children in their absence. I mean, the child IS half his!!! I can't conceive of a world in which my incredible husband DOESN'T give his all and doesn't do at least 50% of the work. I know I"m lucky though, and many don't.

But women I think have this trouble giving up their perceived power when it comes to their offspring. The subconsciously WANT to be the only people that can take care of the child. It defines them. It is their sole purpose and without that power they have no control.

Let me tell you....I AIN'T one of those women. I find I enjoy Zoe much more knowing that she is surrounding by loving and trusted people who help care for her. I'm proud of the village that is helping to raise and shape my child.

Buns of Steel

My kid is freaking amazing. I mean...she's so far ahead of her time it's not even funny!

And she's soooo not MY kid. She loves to exercise. She can do full push ups! I mean on her hands and her TOES push ups.

The only truly ridiculous part of that is that she ends up scooting backwards.

I sort of have a bit of writers block. I"m thinking of asking David to do some updating for me so that he can put some in from his perspective. I'm sure he'd enjoy that....wouldn't you neighbor?

Baby's Day Out

Zoe took her first trip last weekend that was both overnight AND without her Daddy. My sister just bought a house and so Mom and I drove down to help with a garage sale (which is code for SHOP).

Mom was worried how Zoe would do in the car, and that really turned out to be the least of our worries (with the exception of the extremely disgusting diaper change that took place in the back (leather) seats of my dads Impala that not only caused Zoe to cry but made me cry like when I'm cutting onions). The end result was that she slept most of the way, played with me the remainder of the time and we all got there in one piece without killing each other.

Sleeping was a whole other basket of bananas. #1 thing to remember - zoe does NOT like sleeping in her Pack N Play. Nope, noway, no how, NADA. Her normal bedtime is 7:30 PM. The first night she finally fell asleep at midnight, and the second night it was sometime after 10 PM.

The rest of the times that we were out she did great, as usual. She loves to be a girl about town and loves shopping even now!


Let's talk about naps and how they relate to back and neck pain. Zoe would NOT nap ANY other way than this:




This was at LEAST three naps a day for half and hour to 45 minutes at a time. THANK GOD for muscle relaxers.

That said though, I'm very proud of how she did! She missed her Daddy so much though! I've never seen her smile like she smiled when she saw David!

Somewhere In Time...

It all goes by so quickly. I don't know exactly how many days have passed since I updated this but I already know there are some many things that Zoe has done that I won't be able to document them all!

Let's start with a section called "New Things that Zoe Does"

(1) She can EAT! They told me she'd been doing it well at daycare for a while now, but she never wanted to eat babyfood at home. She would just sit in the high chair with a look that said "Are you RETARDED? LEARNING IMPAIRED? Would YOU eat that?"

Last Saturday night she just decided she would show ME. So she eats now and her favorite foods are apples and peas and sweet potatoes (not all together of course). The fun thing here is that she already likes to feed herself. She wants to hold the spoon....hard. Her favorite place to grasp the spoon (logically) is in the bowl of it, where the food is. It's the closest to her mouth. That makes feedings fun!

(2) She is starting to be able to sit up a little, which is very exciting. She loves to be on her tummy to play or in her exersaucer, but she really wants to be a part of the action.

Anyone need a miracle for their child who MUST be in the middle of everything but can't sit up for herself yet? Try a Bumbo Seat. It looks a pod for Yoda to sit in, but it's a freakin' miracle!

(3) She is learning to make OTHER people laugh. It started when she was sick and David would cough at her to make her laugh (I know, she's weird). A couple of days ago she started "fake" coughing before she made any sound. Then, I had a bad allergic reaction that sent me to the ER and robbed me temporarily of my voice. When Zoe heard me try to talk she laughed, and did a fake cough and started grunting at me. Well that got me giggling, which got her giggling and now she's doing funny things to make Mommy and Daddy laugh.


I've got some new pics that I will post from Mothers day and beyond, someday Lord, when I have more time. I should be able to keep up a little more frequently now.

My next post is going to be must haves for every new mom. Feel free to comment and I'll keep the list going!

Are you there God? it's ME, Margaret!

We're still here. In the battle of good and evil, Unhappy Baby Monkey is winning. She keeps making appearances at home, and for long stretches at a time. I KNEW we shouldn't have breathed that colossal sigh of relief when we passed the point that colic would have taken hold.

That's all for now. Oh yeah...and this...

Bookends

I haven't posted in a bit and I'm really sorry for that. It's not that nothing important is happening (hell, my first Mothers Day just passed!) it's just that important things are happening in other areas of my life. Work is getting really busy with software installs, training, trying to hire an assistant that I don't get as much "slacker" time anymore.

Zoe has changed so much in the past week and a half, sometimes I can scarcely believe it. She went from being very interested in her surroundings and studying them intensley to truly interacting with them.

When I say interact, that's pyschobabble for GRABBING. Oh yes. She grabs now. First it was Moms little day of the week pill box which she eyed and then played with as if it was the most expensive toy Fisher Price had to offer. Oh how she loved that pillbox!!! After that, it was ON. My glasses are another favorite. It's a fun game to swipe the glasses right off my face. Those of you who know me in real life know the fun with that game. I'm blind as an effing bat without my glasses. I can't see where her grubby little hand is waving them. Fortunately she usually hits me in the face with them after a second so I know where they are (this was NOT something I thought of when I ordered streamlined, cool little silver glasses)

After my glasses it was my coffee cup. And our lips or eyelids or noses.

It's awesome to see her discovering so much more around her.

She also digs tummy time now (did I tell you guys that already?) She actually calms down when she's on her tummy.

David has a new game that he plays with her. He holds her in a cradle hold and she'll reach up to touch his face (you think it sounds sweet but it really looks like a scene from the Miracle Worker). He then snarls at her and pretends to eat her hand. She LOVES it. She laughs so hard she sucks in air and makes that wheezy littel "eeeeeeeeee" sound.

She's also finding she likes some baby food. Carrots are good (they don't go up her nose nearly as much as the sweet potatoes) and apples and oatmeal aren't that bad either. She's even starting to open her mouth for the spoon a little.

Let me tell you people, spit up gets REALLY fun when there are colored foods involved.

I gave in to the baby gear mania and bought her a bumbo seat. I will post pictures of it tomorrow!

A million little things

Well, between the rockin' thunderstorm that kept us out of power for a bit and the fact that blogger has apparently been effed up for a few days, I haven't been posting much and frankly people...you have been reading much.

That's right. I can see. I KNOW ALL!

Things have been settling down in our household. Zoe is finally back to herself (it turns out she missed daycare. Monday afternoon she was sooo happy when I picked her up)

She's really starting to grab for things now. Last evening I was wearing her while in the yard helping Mom pick up sticks and branches. We were using those littel grabber, which let me tell you are a real exercise in dexterity. I'm pretty confident I could do one of those remote robotic surgerys now.

I started to notice every time I went to put a branch in the trash bag she would grab for it. So I let her play with one for a little while. Then she made a grab for my water glass when we took a break on the porch. I decided to let her explore and she DUNKED her hand in my waterglass! She seemed to think that whole grabbing business is pretty cool.

She also dearly loves to grab hair, noses and lips. It's just one big old glad handing grabbing fiesta!

She hates eating solid food though. More sweet potatoes get up her nose than anything else.

I've realize that I'm a rotten closer. It's a cop out, but I'm going to leave you with another entertaining picture. Sorry Mom. Had to do it.

We're Only Love At It's Best or Worst

Parenting can be an exercise in evasive maneuvers. By evasive I mean learning to wrestle away all of the fears, unknowns, guilt and unbelievable responsibility and putting those things in a place where they can't find you for a while. You know it's not going to be forever, but you can at least buy some time until the NEXT time they rear their evil heads.

If you ever allowed yourself the time and energy it takes to tackle all of those fears that nest in your head you could simply NOT be a good parent. There would be no foods you could eat, no foods your child could eat, no place you could go, no one would talk to you, etc. You'd just be a crazy hermite germaphobe freak parent who raises one of those weird kids who eats butter by the stick and calls himself "Frankie" when his name is John.

For as long as I can remember I've had dreams about these enormous Tsunami type waves come at me and wash over me. I've never been afraid of them. I think this is because when I was very little, one of the summers we spent at Lake Michigan I was playing in the waves and one washed over me. I opened my eyes to see green water sparkling brilliant in the sun, and I felt at peace.

Those dreams haven't changed, but in my waking life I feel those waves coming towards me and they aren't as harmless or pleasant as in my dreams. Each time a wave of panic threatens to wash over me I try to take a breath and give it to God.

What if she doesn't get better? What if they were right about vaccines and I've given her Autism? What if daycare is what is making her sick? Why can't I just stay home and take care of her?

I feel deficient as a mother when I think these things and they simply won't do.

I love that child with every fiber of my being and I will not let the waves wash over me. There is no peace in that.

Fortunately right about the time I feel like I'll break Zoe farts like an old man or blows out a diaper and we both think it's hilarious and life is broken down into simple, one syllable tasks like changing diapers and giving baths. Or...she makes a face like this...



I never liked abstract art, and I won't give into abstract thinking.

Unhappy Baby Monkey

Remember before when I said that I had reached my limit of finding things humorous when Zoe was sick.

I was wrong.

Unhappy Baby Monkey showed her face yesterday. I've decided that Happy Baby Monkey is zoe's superhero name and her use of her feet is her superpower. This is probably resultant of too many conversations with David about What Superhero Would I Be and What Would my SuperPower Be....blah blah blah.

So her evil ALTEREGO is UnHappy Baby Monkey. It's freakin' Friday people, give me a break - there's just not much left in the creativity well.

Upward and onward though...

Zoe hates her breathing treatments which consist of a box about the size of a See N Say, complete with handle that opens up to attach the tubing and what looks like a good old fashioned chloroform mask.

She KNOWS what's about to happen when she sees that mask. Mom asked if she could possibly have caught on that quickly and my answer is HELL YES. She starts drooling and crying. It's sort of Pavlovian.

The mask goes on and her eyes well up and the crying begins. It tears the very fabric of my heart to hear her cry that way. I will admit to being a complete wimp. I have to be the one holding her because I can't stand the look of recrimination on her innocent little face.

And then it begins.

First it's the "wringing of the feet". She literally wrings her feet like someone else might wring their hands.

Then she starts clapping them together. They turn red and hot and they seem to be everywhere at once (hence the superpower reference)!

UnHappy Baby Monkey has grabbed the tubing and almost ripped it, gouged me with her toenails, grabbed the mask connector and successfully pulled that out. The most devilish incident occurred when Mom and I were giving her a treatment. She had one hand and one foot. I had another foot and hand and she was literally up in the air, rigid, like when we used to play Light as a Feather Stiff as a Board when we were kids.

Giving her one of these treatments is like riding a bull! I keep waiting for some cowboy in chaps to scream "7 SECONDS" so I can let go. But no, the treatments last about 12 minutes each, with no respite from the howling of Unhappy Baby Monkey.

DISCLAIMER

I use spell check, I swear.

I'm just usually either blogging on the DL from work or I'm up late doing it and trying to edit it later.

I apologize for any and all spelling/grammatical errors that make me appear uneducated or stupid.

I really need your approval. Forgive me please?

Happy Friday!

Overcome

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Our broadcast this evening comes from a place many have visited and never returned once they had children - Exhaustionville. It's sort of like New Mexico, but not nice.

Seriously though, I've been out of pocket a couple of days because Zoe has been very sick. She came down with Bronchiolitis, which can be a very serious respiratory condition in babies.

It can manifest as a regular cold, but in Zoe's case gave her a tearing, bubbly cough and labored breathing, etc. I took her to the pediatrician on Tuesday and she ended up on Albuterol treatments every 4 hours for 24 hours, and she's still taking them as needed. She's also on Amoxicillin, Cough Syrup and vitamins.

Poor thing - we're pretty sure she got it from daycare.

As it happens, as a frame of reference this began Sunday and it is now Thursday.

I wanted this to be funny, but the truth is it's been pretty scary. I think seeing her with a mask on her face taking breathing treatments and getting her pulse/ox checked sort of shell shocked me back to when she was born.

Almost everyone I know whose children had this ended up in the hospital. So far, our trooper is doing pretty well.

So I've basically been scared shitless and ashamed of myself that I'm so tired that when I do wake up at night I make David check her breathing to ensure it's alright.

That little girl is the world to us and I"m sure we're making a mountain out of a molehill but it was damn scary to hear her cough and labor to breath

She also screamed like hell when we give her the treatments. That didn't help. She doesn't like being restrained at all.

Well, we've learned a couple of things about me today.

(1) I do have limits - not everything CAN be viewed humorously
(2) I use foul language when I'm tired.

signing off for now, I just wanted you to know we're stil here...